#I feel this applies to so many things but like

[ultramaga]

ADHD:

Autism is too broad a category, and thanks to ASD, it's become something that could be applied to everyone. This needs to be narrowed down a lot. In some types, there are intellectual exercises that can be done to greatly reduce the effect of it, e.g. by reducing anxiety, practicing social interactions, and so on.

Clinical depression: Again, too broad a diagnosis. Might be feeling a bit down, might need shock treatment or you will die. Some milder forms of depression can definitely be dealt with intellectually which CBT can help, or even physically through exercise.

"You cannot think your way out of feeling." If you don't have a mental illness, and I include Autism depending on severity, then yes you often can, and techniques like meditation, CBT, and even cold showers can and do work. In fact I have read of some people with autism using cold baths as therapy - I have no idea if that's based in science, but they said it worked FOR THEM, so I take their word for it.

One thing I see, over and over, amongst Leftists, is a wallowing in misery. People list off the many reasons their lives are terrible, and having established that, they validate each others misery, and never improve their lives. Beforehand, it was Feminists. Life was terrible, because men. No I can't move away from men, the men won't let me! No I won't provide evidence of the invisible chains - you have to believe me - there's no point in trying to improve! And all around me, I see people who have lived through absolutely awful things, and who still enjoy their lives. They make the effort. These are people with crippling disabilities, people who have seen folks they loved died, and yet they can still find value in life.

It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate I am the captain of my soul.

Say you break your ankle. You could know everything there is to know intellectually about the injury. Even with this vast knowledge, you will still experience physical pain.

Now take this logic and apply it to things like ADHD, autism, clinical depression, and other less visible/divergent disabilities. You cannot think your way out of feeling.

That is to say: you are not a bad, lazy, or selfish person for struggling, even if you know why you are struggling.

[wardensantoineandevka]

There's been a lot of talk about feeling like Campaign 3 fails to carry through consequences, and that is often met with criticisms framing this talk as just wanting Bells Hells or other characters to die or be punished. In return, the response to that is that "consequences" is not necessarily negative — it simply means a narrative follow through and events positive, neutral, or yes even negative happening as a consequence of what came prior.

I posted prior about what I and many meant by consequences, but generally, "a lack of consequence" means that it feels like events happen without clear connective tissue to previous events or it feels like things happen and don't feel like they're feeding properly into what comes next, that following events aren't properly carrying that weight of consequence.

But, just to further illustrate the discussion, the following is a non-exhaustive list of things I personally wish had consequences (that I could be probably better articulating):

Prism, Deanna, and FRIDA going off to do research at the Cobalt Soul, explicitly intending to try to help Bells Hells. This yielded nothing. Even a written letter to the Hells giving any information would have been great to have as a nod to that decision being made and the effort put into cultivating those friendships. (Given the reveal in the Fireside Chat that a Luxon beacon could've destroyed Predathos should research have been done, this feels even more of a missed follow through.)

The Unseelie Court not reinforcing the Malleus Key having clearer consequences. Obviously, there was a benefit to this, but it's hard to FEEL the consequences of disrupting that message because it is not clear what exactly the Unseelie Court would have provided.

Liliana chose not to broadcast the Downfall memory and what that meant to the sociopolitical scale. There is a clear consequence for her on a personal level, but this information being potentially broadcast was set up as a big looming threat, but it was difficult to really feel what would have happened, like, meaningfully, in terms of the material narrative as it affects Bells Hells, if it was broadcast, so as a result it's difficult to feel that stopping the broadcast was meaningful on a broader level.

Talking about Liliana, it feels strange that she exists within Vasselheim as a top leader of the Ruby Vanguard for, like, days without any comment. There is more (and properly delivered) tension over Opal's presence in the city. I don't think Liliana necessarily should've been arrested, I felt something like a small beat that may have required Imogen vouching for her was missing. The consequences of Liliana's position among the antagonists felt absent.

Ashton getting Shady Sally to agree to get the Nobodies back together to help save Exandria, then they'd all be free of Ashton for good. Nothing comes of this! An appearance at the forward camp in the Hellcatch when they came back from Ruidus or in Vasselheim, after the camp is evacuated there, with another opportunity to settle it with the others in the group would have been a nice consequence.

The Grim Verity, especially outside of Ryn, continued to meaningfully exist and the theft of the texts from Vasselheim mattered past the Predathos, Vordo, and Ethedok reveal exposition. It was a team of three people who stole the texts, and one of them, Arnold, was captured and presumed still held at the Platinum Sanctuary and another, Janina, was keeping tabs on the excavation site in the Hellcatch to keep everyone updated on what the Vanguard was doing. It would have been nice to see the Grim Verity more involved in this campaign, because they're the initial hook into the campaign itself! Learning about them and making contact with them stopped yielding any sort of narrative results. (The thing about research in the first point applies here too.)

Judicators. They are introduced, and then nothing is done with them at all. They factor in so minutely, and we understand so little about them, that it's hard to even talk about them as thematic pieces without engaging in a lot of speculative thinking.

I am known to be frustrated with Ashton philosophically, but I am baffled that the conversation they had in their vision in the earth titan in 110 did not come up again at all in any of their subsequent argumentations about the world changing. I am certain that it would've driven me nuts, but I have liked to see that carried forward. It would've contributed a lot to feeling like perspectives were being built upon as a consequence of interactions.

Generally, the Titans are barely mentioned after that episode, btw. There was a lot of time spent on pursuing the idea of the Titans, even sometimes outright brushing past NPCs who repeatedly said that the Titans were dead, only for it to get dropped so suddenly. It feels especially strange when one of the major points of contention Ashton and Laudna brought up was the war against the Titans. Not even a final note about what this means in the tapestry of history or an acknowledgement that they indeed cannot be restored as they were or what? We spent a lot of time on this discussion, but fail to carry it through into the final thematic and philosophical decisions.

On that note, it's established that there is a destiny in which Ashton is to bestow the spark onto another, and there is a sense of fate then for Fearne in it. Since they both struggle with being locked into a path, I did feel missing an exploration of what it then MEANT for them to pursue this. As soon as these abilities are unlocked, there isn't a meaningfully thorough exploration of what they mean as narrative devices and their implications for Fearne and Ashton, at a personally transformative level.

The anti-resurrection toxin and its antidote. I know that it is used against Keyleth and there is a payoff in that the Hells successfully help her, but I don't understand why this toxin didn't continue to be used, especially given the campaign was supposed to be deadlier. Why wouldn't the Ruby Vanguard, but especially someone as vicious and ruthless as Otohan, continue to use it? It had such a prominent presence in the campaign and then vanished from it. We don't even have a sense of how it locked away divine magic and what connection it has to Ruidians or Predathos, which have similar divine dampening ability. Having it continue to be used in the campaign would've also made it continually rewarding that Bells Hells did that work to help Keyleth because the Air Ashari would have available antidote.

Stopping there not because I ran out of examples, but because this list is getting incredibly long — thought I reserve the right to add more later should I think of really good ones. But this is just some of the plot points and threads and conversations that I wish I felt led somewhere or had consequences, and you can see that not all of them are about punishing characters at all, just a desire for things to feel like they were going somewhere and were properly tied off.

[knightjpg]

landslide | chapter 4

chapter tags: alcohol mention, reader has a toxic boyfriend, implied cheating on reader by said boyfriend

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You dream of the ocean. 

Blue against blue, hot dry sand between your toes. The aftermath of salt under your tongue. You're swimming. You look, feet kicking, hands paddling, but there's no shore to break your line of sight. The horizon stretches until it fades, a blurry blue line as vast as the world. 

You don't feel afraid. You're just tired. Your arms and legs feel so heavy, and the water feels heavy, too. Waves are coming faster, weightier; you dip below and break through the surface— 

until you're pulled under. 

Buried alive under big heaving wells, swallowed down by surface gravity. You claw against the water, desperate, fighting for air— 

and cough yourself awake. Your chest hurts, tight with the remnants of your nightmare, and for a split second you feel panic when a weight presses on you; but it's just Kettlebell who curled up on top of you somewhere during the night. 

Upon feeling your hand in his fur his head lifts, big dark eyes blinking hello. Then he yawns and hops off you. Now that you're awake his job is done, and he can go annoy Mim in peace. 

When you swing your legs over your bed you groan, pressing a hand to your forehead. Your temple throbs, occasional pinpricks of pain shooting like stars over your eyes. 

Last night comes back to you slowly. 

The bar, the too-many drinks, no sight of Dave. The kind stranger who listened to your blubbering about your boyfriend. 

Hot shame rushes through you now that you recall your words in the wondrous, headache-inducing light of sobriety. God. You totally unloaded on a guy you'd never met before and then he... 

He called you a cab, didn't he? And made sure you were sent home. 

You bury your head in your hands and mouth the words what on earth is wrong with me. 

The mortification is enough to eat you alive. You vow you'll never let it get that far again—with alcohol or waiting for Dave that long. Speaking of which... 

You raise your head and grab for your phone. Predictably there's an apologetic text from Dave waiting for you: 

01:24 Srry missed your calls, smthing came up with a friend x 

You stare at the screen for a long moment. 

Slowly, like your fingers haven't quite made up their mind yet about replying, you type out an answer. 

08:50 I waited a long time for you. 

You chew your lip as you send it, feeling anxious and small. When Kettlebell returns to the bed to let you know his and Mim's food bowls are still offensively empty, you shake yourself out of it and go through the motions of your morning routine.  

Before you hop in the shower, however, you can't resist another peek: 

09:22 Make it up to you? 

You exhale.  

See? He doesn't say it explicitly, but he's sorry. He'll make it up to you. He cares about you.  

Life happens, things get in the way. You have to believe that. What is a relationship if you can't trust your partner? 

What is a relationship if not the feeling of throwing yourself off the tightrope and waiting for the other to catch you mid-fall? 

“Wear the sluttiest one you have,” Liv says. Her voice crackles on speakerphone; her face is out of frame on the video call, bending down to apply her eyeliner. 

You laugh. “The sluttiest—? God, I don't know if I even have anything like that.” 

You sift through your clothes again, slowly, pulling out one or two things that might make the cut. It's been a while since you've gone out with just friends, just for fun, just for yourself. 

Without Dave. 

He hasn't made good on his promise to make it up to you yet—says that with his holiday coming up he's extra busy, has to make sure things don't fall apart once he leaves. 

The reminder of the stupid Bora-Bora trip with his stupid marketing colleague has been enough to leave you on edge.  

And while you don't think Liv and you will ever become best friends she's been kind. When you texted her in a fit of tears about Dave flaking on you again you expected excuses for his sake— 

You're so lucky! 

—but instead she called him a cunt and said you should join her and some others to go dancing. Shake your ass and make him regret on losing out on time with you, she'd said, and even though it's not your thing you agreed. 

If only to feel like you could. 

“Wait, what's that one? The black one?” Liv peers into the camera. One eye is perfectly made up, smoky dark eyeshadow contouring an arched, pencilled-in brow. 

“This one?” You pull the dress off its hanger and hold it up for the camera to see. 

It was an impulse buy. On sale. The fabric felt soft and stretchy, and even though you could see your panties in the changing booth mirror when you bent down you loved the look of it too much to leave it. 

You'd just started dating Dave. You remember you were still feeling giddy and excited with that nervous kind of confidence that made you blush and smile and think maybe I'll wear it for him one time. 

It's been gathering dust in the back of your closet ever since. 

“Yesss,” Liv says. “That's what I'm talking about.” 

When she goes back to her make-up table you hold the dress up in front of the mirror. 

It doesn't feel like you. 

It feels like the person you once really wished you were, and even that wishful optimism is no longer part of your repertoire. 

You turn around. “Hey, do you think—” 

Your phone buzzes, covering Liv's face with a popup that says in big white letters incoming call! 

You grab it quickly, throwing your dress on the bed. “Hang on, someone's calling—” 

With one swipe Liv disappears, and you hold the phone to hold to your ear. Unknown number.  

“Hello?” 

“Simon.” 

“Nice to finally meet you,” you smile, and shake the massive hand held out to you. Simon runs warm; his grip is firm and brief. “I, um. I heard about your mother passing. From Beth. I'm so sorry.” 

He averts his eyes for a moment. They're a lovely warm shade of brown, starkly contrasted against his pale skin and blond lashes. Up close you see shadows of nicks and scars. Souvenirs from his work. 

“Thanks.” 

He hardly says another word all evening. At times it feels more like he's watching over rather than participating in your little party of friends gathered at Tommy and Beth's apartment; a hulking shadow brooding in the corner, shying away from the inner circle of light and laughter. 

It'd be easy to forget he was there, but you don't. 

You're a little fascinated by him. If Beth is like your sister, what does that make him? Family by-proxy-by-proxy. You've heard enough about him to decide he's got a good heart underneath his withdrawn demeanour, and it makes you eager to forgive what others might see as rudeness. 

You sneak looks all throughout the get-together, in between board games and salty snacks and bad jokes. Try to map his heavy brow, his serious gaze, the scar running over his chin that mirrors the one Tommy has on the back of his neck. 

After the first few times you chalk it up to coincidence. But when you look again, again—those brown eyes meet yours. It confirms: 

Simon's been looking at you, too. 

“I don't understand,” you say. 

You're not convinced this isn't a prank call. No, worse—a scam. Even when “John” reads out Joseph's place, date, and time of birth—even when he could tell you Beth's middle name or Tommy's last place of work. 

There's just no way. 

“Just... after eight years? Isn't that a crazy long time...?” 

A begrudging pause. “I can't tell you everything, sweetheart. Confidential. You understand.” 

You try to. Simon left you something, John said. Wouldn't say what. Couldn't say how. But it's for you, if you want it, just making sure— 

Of course you want it, you tell him. You have a P.O. box, he can send it anytime— 

“It was requested you receive it in person,” John says. “On base.” Paper is shuffled and shifted in the background. Faintly you hear a door open and close. “There's one not too far from your address.” 

“John” gives you the directions, and a quick google shows that he's not lying; there really is a base close by, and it fits John's description. 

“Okay. Um... Do I need to bring anything?” 

“Your ID should do.” John clears his throat. “I'll have one of mine handle it. Mention my name—John, Captain Price, whatever you like—and they'll sort you out.” 

“Alright. Thank you...” 

You end the call feeling dazed. Tonight was supposed to be for letting go of everything, for living in the now, in the moment—and suddenly the past comes knocking at your door. 

The anxiety returns like a wave crashing on your shore. 

You should be over this by now. It's been so many years. You've cycled through all of grief's vicious stages, and the sadness and loss has dulled to the point you don't think of it anymore every day. And even then—it was Beth who was your best friend, Beth who you cried for the hardest. Not Simon. Simon was— 

(family by-proxy-by-proxy) 

—special. 

But him leaving you something behind shouldn't be enough to derail the peace you've clawed out for yourself. 

Right? 

You tell Liv it was a family thing when she asks, but she's concerned, says you look pale; “Are you sure you're up for going, babe?” 

You open your mouth to say yes. 

Before you can, though, a notification pops up. It's Dave. You told him you were going out earlier today and received no response—more and more often these days, you remember thinking—and shrugged. Put it out of your mind. 

You open the text. 

Oh I was thinking we do chinese tonight and a movie marathon 

You bite your lip, hard. Text back, Sorry, maybe some other time? 

He's not usually one to respond so quickly, but the three dots pop up before you're even done typing. 

We can go out together sometime 

Just call and cancel 

I'll get your fav <3 

—you crumble. 

It's pathetic, but right now all you want is someone's arms to bury yourself into and to cry on a familiar shoulder. To not be alone in a crowd of strangers with girls that you don't know very well. 

You take a shuddering breath and try for your best apologetic smile. “Liv? Sorry. Um—I think the family call thing got me a little harder than I thought.”  

How do you explain what Simon was to you? What Beth and her family were to you? 

“I'm really sorry for flaking on you suddenly, but is it okay if I go with you next time?” 

“Of course, babe,” Liv rushes to assure you. “Take it easy, okay? You really don't look so good. We can go out dancing anytime—I'll add you to the groupchat.” 

“Thanks. Have fun,” you tell her, and she says she will before the screen goes dark. 

With trembling hands, you press the call button. 

“Um, sorry. Am I in the way?” 

“Not at all.” The guy before you flashes you an easy smile. “Want one too?” 

You nod yes, and watch him pour you your drink. He has nice hands; slender, nails neatly trimmed, a plain watch around his wrist. 

“I'm Dave,” he says as he hands you your drink. You accept with a smile and offer your own name, and go through the usual so what do you do for work, who do you know here, did you come with a friend, what food did you bring to the potluck? 

“Er,” he says a little sheepishly, “just drinks, I'm afraid. I can't cook to save my life.” 

“It's not so hard once you get started. They've got these food delivery boxes now, where you just get everything you need for a meal.” 

“Ah, I want to, but. You know.” Dave gestures with his hand. “Work keeps me so busy when I get home all I want to do is pass out.” 

You give him a sympathetic smile. You know that feeling too, all too well. “So that's why you're here, huh?” you joke. “To eat your fill and then leave before the cleanup?” 

Dave winks. “Oops. Saw right through me.” 

In the end Dave does stay for cleanup, though you suspect he only does so because he wants to talk to you after and ask for your number. 

You're a little surprised at yourself for giving it. 

It doesn't have to mean anything, you tell yourself later on the way home. It can just be practice. Getting back into the dating scene after disappearing from it for a few years. 

Worst case you try a one-liner on him and he ghosts you. 

Part of you hopes he doesn't, though. You enjoyed talking to Dave. He seemed nice. Normal. 

Uncomplicated. 

Beth would want that for you, too, you decide when you close the door behind you. A nice normal bloke you can live a nice normal life with. You can't hide yourself away forever; the excuse of work keeping you too busy to socialise is wearing thin.  

Who knows? You smile to yourself as you drift off. 

Maybe this could be the start of something really good. 

Dave leaves early in the morning when you're still half-asleep in bed. You don't remember getting there last night; he must've carried you over after you fell asleep on the sofa. 

You wrinkle your nose at the empty plastic containers littering the low table in the living room. It's messier than you remember it; Dave even forgot his jacket, still thrown over the back of the sofa. You pick it up and dust it off— 

...? 

You frown and lean in, sniffing the jacket. 

Traces of something sweet and fruity still cling to the fabric. 

You stand there, in the still morning light spilling through the windows, holding the jacket and staring at it. You're overreacting. You're reading into it. You're so sensitive. Jumping to conclusions. 

Dave doesn't usually wear scent, does he? 

crazy bitch, possessive cunt, stupid whore— 

...But maybe he's started to. You'll... you'll ask him about it. That should be okay, right? You'll ask him, and then he'll say oh, yeah, just trying out this new thing. 

And the world will be right again. 

Tears prick at your eyes and you blink them away, carefully hanging Dave's jacket onto the hanger in the hallway. You avert your eyes as soon as possible. 

You don't want to think about it. 

If you do, you'll just make yourself go crazy. Talk yourself into doing something stupid, like calling him and then blubbering accusations at him like a lunatic. 

You breathe out. No. This is your free day, and you're not going to spend in moping inside. You scoop up Mim, who's come out of his hiding place, and kiss his little head while he purrs in your arms. 

You're going to feed your cats, feed yourself, and then... 

Then you'll go to that military base. Get it over with. It'll get you out of the house, out of your head, make you think about something else than Dave wearing a woman's scent. 

Even if that something else is the dead brother-in-law of your equally dead best friend. 

[pokemonshelterstories]

Hello! Sorry, I saw in your last answer that you once had to sign an agreement to not talk about a dangerous pokemon you worked with. I'm not going to ask you to break your NDA of course. But what's the point of having a contract to not talk about the pokemon? And what kinds of pokemon need to have NDAs in place, like is there a consistent trait or ability that makes them necessary?

Obviously if this goes against contract don't stress it, but thank you in advance!

there are tons of reasons why an NDA might exist for a pokemon (whether it's an entire species or a specific individual), so i'll share some of the most common!

a really common reason is because the pokemon is part of a research project. for example, when i discuss or share footage from the crater cam project, there are certain things i'm not allowed to bring up pertaining to current research. this applies both to the pokemon we observe and the equipment! my team's research grant comes from silph, and all of us have signed NDAs about the cameras. similarly, scientists doing pokemon studies on things like medications and genetic manipulation typically sign NDAs on their work, which can sometimes include talking about the pokemon themselves. this was very much the case for the scientists who worked on the coding and genetics for porygon and castform!

the pokemon i worked with falls into this kind of category: people who work with certain famous/highly recognizable pokemon individuals are sometimes asked to sign NDAs about them, and this can include rangers or trainers who are contracted out to help with handling them. a lot of the times these are pokemon performers- i've heard that pokestar studios work can be a pain in the butt for this reason- but sometimes rare captive pokemon are kept secret for their own protection. the fuchsia zoo kept its farfetch'd program secret for a long time out of fear of people breaking into the zoo to steal their breeding candidates because farfetch'd sold for incredible prices back then. kind of a subset of this is that, whenever legendary or mythical pokemon (or, in rare instances, pokemon that have a sizable risk of causing serious injury or damage to the wider public) come into private ownership, their owner will often make the choice to keep them hidden from the public. i've seen rehabbers tasked with helping injured legendaries who only discuss their work after the pokemon is released. in these cases, they will often require an NDA before telling people about that pokemon.

one kind of NDA that i don't like when working with pokemon is when a rescue/shelter/sanctuary/zoo requires an NDA to work or volunteer there. while it's not always sketchy, a lot of the times it means that they're trying to deter you from reporting safety concerns or pokemon abuse. i've heard way too many horror stories to ever agree to something like this. NDAs are often there for important reasons, but if something feels sketchy to you, go with your gut feeling!

[the-traveling-poet]

So Clumsy In Love

~ Valentine’s Day Special ~

𝒮𝓊𝓂𝓂𝒶𝓇𝓎~ As resourceful and observant as Levi is, one thing about his new life above ground still throws him for a loop; how could such a simple concept as romance be so difficult for him to understand? You made him nervous—confused and unfocused. Eventually he grows tired of fearing his own emotions, and finds the perfect excuse to spend time with you; the Valentine’s Day festival downtown.

𝒞𝑜𝓃𝓉𝑒𝓃𝓉~ Levi Ackerman x GN!Reader, SFW, v-day themes, inexperienced love, language, cannon-verse, Levi being awkward and crass.

𝒜/𝒩~ Just a lil V-Day fic, since I missed out on doing something for Thanksgiving and Christmas :) Happy Valentines lovelies!

I might make this a mini-series eventually?? Lemme know what you think!! See below for more Levi content.

{ 1.9k words }

It had been an honest mistake, hadn't it?

How should he have known your interpretation of his words wouldn't be what he'd intended you to pick up on?

Though, in hindsight, perhaps he'd subconsciously worried you'd mistake his intent all along—he wasn't known for his poetry. He more than anyone knew this as fact.

The intended compliment he quietly uttered your way could have been more carefully thought out, to avoid confusion. The hand-up after a round on the training grounds could have been a bit more delicate, less forceful and rigid. Hell, even the smile he'd flashed your way last week probably looked more like a grimace or a scowl, now that he thought about it.

Levi honestly had tried to find a way to convey what he felt for you, in any way shape or form—but in all honesty, he wasn't good at this.

Humanity's Strongest Soldier...Seemed more fit to label him Humanity's Most Awkward Bachelor.

Life above ground has been more than he anticipated it to be; so many new sights to behold, so many new things to learn... Back in the Underground, things were much more to the point than they were up here. Much more crass, much more invasive, so much more painful...Up here, on the surface, all of that could easily apply: to certain circumstances—yet never quite so harshly as it was below the surface.

At least, that’s how Levi views it, as a fresh Scout within the Survey Corps. Perhaps one day his interpretation would change.

With having to learn how to read the people of the surface, and adapt to their so-called proper way of life, Levi was left feeling adrift. The stark contrast between their social cues and those of the underground was nothing short of overwhelming.

So, to say that romance was uncharted territory for him would be a vast understatement. It was one thing he’d never expected, never even thought on. He'd never had time for it in the past. He'd been busy surviving, and providing. But now? Now...He wasn't so sure that he couldn't carve out some time between his new duties in the Scouts to understand his emotions a bit more.

Especially the ones he'd recently taken notice of regarding you—the ones that made him stutter whenever you were around, and avoid prolonged eye contact when you spoke. The ones that sparked a warm flutter in the pit of his stomach whenever you laughed, or chanced a smile his way.

It was near maddening, in the beginning. He couldn’t focus, couldn’t understand why he felt what he did. Briefly he recalled having been urged to just really think about it, to make up his mind and listen to his own heart. He’d scoffed at them, the damned bespectacled squad leader—always sticking their nose into his business. But maybe they had a point…

So eventually, he’d done just that; he’d sorted his thoughts and his feelings, dwelling heavily over them for quite some time. Eventually, gradually, he’d discovered that the attraction he held towards you was more than just a fleeting admiration for a fellow Scout.

It was so much more than that.

Such a simple notion should have come much easier to him, as self-observant as he was. His own stubborn pride had kept it hidden away from him, though.

Until now, that is.

Now, it was all he could focus on.

Every moment he wasn’t fully focused on a task, his mind would slip back into a pattern of obsession—fond observations he’d made about you over the many long months he’d been enlisted.

He’d watched you, unbeknownst to you.

Not so much in a way that would border on stalking, but merely keeping himself at a distance, silently absorbing every little fact he’d pick up on and store it away for a later time to muse over.

He found himself admiring you, out of sight. Certainly out of mind to you. Even after the revelation he’d made of his feelings, he couldn’t help but continue to keep his distance and simply watch you go about your days.

Stubborn as he had been, he truly was trying to understand himself whenever you were around. It wasn’t like him to be so unsure—so nervous, even. He’d watch you train, clean, socialize; all at a distance. He wouldn’t dare approach you and intervene with your time, worried he might somehow soil the moment for you, more so than for himself. He’d always frowned on obsessive stalkers in the past; he wasn’t about to become one himself. And yet…Here he was. Pining. Wishing, hoping…Pathetically entranced by all that you were.

In the present, he cursed himself. He’d mustered up the courage to face you in a way much softer than he usually preferred, hoping to not startle or offend you in any way this time. And yet, despite his careful planning, he’d managed to make the moment more awkward than endearing. Once again, the silly cycle repeated itself.

“The hell even was that?” he grumbled to himself, quietly so as not to be heard by passerbyers.

“Why the hell didn’t I just say what I initially thought, instead of butchering any chance I could have had?”

Levi sat alone in his newly appointed office now, silently contemplating his actions the day before.

He really had meant it as a compliment—it had not come across this way. Instead of seeing the smile on your face that he was after, he was met with a furrowed brow and a set of pursed lips.

“I don’t suppose you find yourself funny?”

Your quietly spoken words still echoed in his mind.

What had started as a feeble attempt at pursuing a conversation with you after a meeting—in hopes to steer it in a more progressive direction—ended abruptly in narrowed gazes and an awkward silence.

“Idiot, fucking idiot…” he muttered as an afterthought to himself, standing up to pace the small space.

He’d heard tell of an event celebrated amongst the people born and raised above ground—some sort of ‘lovers day’, meant to bring attention to a love one held for another. Initially, he thought it was corny. A little ridiculous, even. Soldiers and civilians alike would participate in this festival of sorts, celebrating ‘romance and unity’.

‘Pointless. Waste of a good coin. Waste of time.’ He’d once proclaimed.

It took him falling in love to understand why any such thing would be celebrated as a ‘holiday’ worth entertaining.

Now that he had fallen for another, however, he suddenly could understand. Even just a little.

He’d pondered over such an idea for months, long before the event would take place. At first he brushed it off as some teenage fantasy, asking the one person he admired from a distance to join him on a night of fresh starts and new experiences—some ridiculous little event to finally express his heart to you.

But after some time, in which he truly began to understand what he felt for you…The idea seemed plausible, at the very least.

Cringy, maybe. Satisfactory, definitely.

Eventually he’d made up his mind, only a couple of days before the dreaded date. He would ask you to celebrate: with him.

He’d hoped to ask you if you would join him for dinner—maybe walk amongst the festivities together, as a way to indulge in the festival being held in the town square. Maybe there he could admit to you, in some way or another, how he favored you above all others. How he wanted to pursue something, anything with you—if you’d let him. Only if you shared his ambition.

But of course, approaching this subject with you only made his clumsiness worse. The attempt he’d made at broaching the subject couldn’t have been more uncomfortable for either of you.

“You people up here tend to celebrate weird shit…You’re alone for this weird ass holiday, right? I don’t imagine you’d have the time for such things, anyways—always caught up in perfecting your shitty strategies and formations.”

That had been the first and last statement he’d made before your remark, regarding him in an almost offended way. Even now, your response still haunts him.

In his mind, he figured this was a compliment; a rough one at best. You were always focused, always concentrated and putting your best foot forward for any task that demanded your full attention. Of course he’d noticed. He always had. Yet…now hadn’t been the time to point that out—much less, in such a demeaning manner.

He hadn’t meant to underline your lack of a romantic life. But he had, and the moment the words left his lips he knew it.

Less than a full day had passed since then, and still he mulled over it, sulking over his inability to take that step forward and just say what he meant. To say what he needed you to hear.

It was evening when he left his office, the sun filtering through his window setting over the walls beyond in crisp oranges and bright pinks. He might have stopped to watch it for a moment, if he weren’t at wit’s end.

He’d kept himself cooped up stewing over his mistakes long enough—It was now or never, wasn’t it?

Finding you hadn't been too difficult. In fact, it had been a little too easy; of course he’d find you chatting happily amongst comrades before turning in for the night.

The difficult part, the one he knew he would inevitably face, was getting you alone for a single moment. Just long enough to grab your attention and say what needed to be said…

To his silent astonishment, he’d managed the task easily enough; a simple demand for a moment of time seemed to do the trick. He’d pretend he didn’t see the hesitance in your eyes, the silent judgment that you never verbally conveyed.

“Listen; I’m shit at words. Especially the weird shit you all say up here on the surface. It’s strange, and it’s stupid. But…The other day, what I’d meant wasn’t what I said. If-If you are alone tomorrow…Well, I suppose I am as well. I’d wondered: what if we grabbed a bite to eat? Avoid the drama these love sick idiots parade around and just…I dunno…Get to know one another a little?”

You’d huffed in amusement, a crooked smirk on your enchanting lips. The earlier hesitance disappeared from your gaze, replaced now by a nearly mischievous look of understanding.

The silence left behind from his proposal was enough to spike his nervousness once again—he was so far out of his element that even he would laugh at himself if he were observing from afar.

Maybe he’s misjudged, made a mistake…

But eventually you shook your head, uncrossing your arms and looking him over head to toe, curiosity beaming in your pretty eyes.

“As it should happen, I’m not busy for Valentine’s tomorrow, and I suppose I could stand to better familiarize myself with my fellow Captains…”

A pause in your voice brought about the stilling of his heart, his chest aching briefly with anticipation. But then you gave your final answer; a few simple words that lifted the anxious weight in his heart and eased the tension in his shoulders. He nearly sighed with visible relief.

“Why not? I’ll go to dinner with you. There’s a new café in Trost; I hope you’ve heard of it?”

~𝑀𝑜𝓇𝑒 𝐿𝑒𝓋𝒾 𝒜𝒸𝓀𝑒𝓇𝓂𝒶𝓃 𝒞𝑜𝓃𝓉𝑒𝓃𝓉 𝐻𝑒𝓇𝑒!~

~𝒟𝒾𝓋𝒾𝒹𝑒𝓇~

[eddiegettingshot]

genuinely can i ask why you're so against people viewing eddie through a woman coded lense and finding it interesting to compare his own experiences traits and storylines with other female chracters? seeing as you yourself speak frequently about your headcanon for how much "buck diaz" wants to be eddie's submissive housewife who grows a magic womb and gives him tons of miracle babies or whatever and a lot of people use buck liking cooking/ wanting children/being emotional as evidence for this (which what the hell, sure) id thought you'd be open to the feminization of eddie the same way so many people for years have been feminizing buck. the only difference between the two is i see buck feminized more with sexual connotations while eddie's feminization comes from a more societal and familial analysis i think which don't get me wrong both have their heteronormative moments (single parent (which like it or not is most often applied to female characters)/eldest "daughter" parentification/denying himself what he wants etc are the arguments i most see for eddie) not trying to start a fight i just am curious about why you feel one's ok and not the other cause gotta be honest your vehement reaction to this kinda gave me a bad taste in my mouth considering how passionate you are about your headcanon of eddie being this macho dom top which im sure some people also feel is a gross mischaracterization as strongly as you feel about this like,, long story short i guess im just saying let people enjoy things! lol

i think woman coded is stupid as an actual character/tv analysis 😭😭 if someone said buck was woman coded id fucking laugh too because it’s not actually a useful way to analyze his character whatsoever and genuinely have you ever seen me make this claim in earnest for buck? because i don’t do that, ESPECIALLY not citing the reasons you included here, and i also don’t write him as a submissive housewife in my serious creative work.

as you pointed out yourself for eddie it comes from “societal”/“family” which to me feels obnoxious because the ENTIRE point of eddie’s character and specifically his relationship to fatherhood is that he is a man who’s raising his son in a way that he wasn’t allowed from his own father. people yell so much about eddie’s toxic masculinity or his relationship to masculinity or whatever but in the face of choices he makes/ways he behaves that are in active opposition to those kinds of ideals the response is “ok so this means he’s being coded as a woman” … not to mention the flip side of this seems to be a way of looking at SHANNON that’s patently ridiculous considering that her entire story (what we have been allowed of it) is specifically tied up in motherhood, her feelings of failing as a mother, etc. viewing these canon storylines in this way and making claims about these characters like that is patently different from a widespread half-joke about how getting struck by lightning made buck impregnable… i’m sure you see that?

and suggesting that i think eddie is a macho dom top is like actually kind of hilarious considering literally the one thing i’m always talking about is how he ISNT macho 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 at every turn i am on this blog arguing about how this man is emotional and vulnerable and goofy while the fandom at large insists that he’s not. i’m sorry like. hello?? i also outright said i don’t care about being progressive, i didn’t say anything was problematic, i just think this is an obnoxious and hilarious way to intellectually look at things (and deeply transparent but i digress).

[ronearoundblindly]

Kind of an angsty question: how do they deal with missing/being away from you?

Ooooo, okay, yeah...Kinda angsty but still super sweet. I can do that! I'm not writing this *exclusively* about being apart ON VALENTINE'S DAY, but that could certainly apply.

Warnings for language and vague sexual references only.

Steve Rogers

Absolutely does not realize how grumpy and on edge he gets if you two are separated for a long time. Steve may enjoy that technology has come so far in the last century, but hell if he's ever gotten the hang of texting. He will call or videochat, and he wildly prefers videochatting because he knows that sometimes you lie (fib, really) about feeling okay. Steve's great at reading micro expressions; time apart also equal time he isn't understanding the full lives of the people he cares about.

Bucky Barnes

Buck mostly blames himself for how much time apart he has from you. He, like Steve, doesn't deal with it very well. He mostly becomes more brooding and snippy the longer it is. Bucky is better at texting than his pal but not better about the contents, so no deep convos happening over the phone (partly because he's rarely alone, partly because he doesn't particularly like being on the phone).

James Mace

He's trained for this. I mean, quite a few of them are, and for very long stretches, distances where realtime conversations are impossible, but Mace is diligent about sending messages. He holds on to very tiny, specific memories of you, stories you tell, and places you've been. Your laugh is the best one, the thing that keeps him going. He does keep a file, notes of funny stuff to tell you when he's back.

Curtis Everett

Is not good at reaching out. Internalizes everything. It's...an ongoing problem.

Jimmy Dobyne

Suffers. Messes with his nails and cuticles a lot. If he's home and you're not, Jimmy obsessively works on one of his many Garage Projects to pass the time. He doesn't enjoy feeling needy, so he won't text more than his regular amount. He will, however, admit to how much he missed you after you return.

Johnny Storm

Uh, he's mostly fine. Hits him at the oddest moments--missing you--and when it does, Johnny can't word his feelings in any meaningful way. He gets antsy to do things, but he doesn't know what. The adrenaline just builds until he finally gets to see you. Basically, he mistakes longing for boredom, so he ends up treating the wrong emotion.

Jake Jensen

Leans a little stalker-y but not on purpose; he's so slick with the tech and using IPN, wifi, and GPS to track your devices. It's soothing when he's away to figure out where you are and what you're up to, especially if he knows you can't pick up the phone (or he can't actually talk anyway).

Lloyd Hansen

I don't know if I'm going soft in my old age or whether @ellethespaceunicorn has whittled down my hatred for him, but my gut is telling me Lloyd constantly checks in if he's "missing" you. (Sure, that's probably more of a sexting thing, and he probably would not answer if you were trying to check in.)

Ari Levinson

Torn. He is also trained to be away and go dark for long periods, but Ari really itches to talk to you, especially just before big moments like missions or presentations. You always help him relax and focus. He can't pinpoint exactly when he became so dependent on you, but he's a touch embarrassed.

Ransom Drysdale

Sends a stupid number of texts about absolutely nothing until you respond. The man has no shame.

Andy Barber

Distracts himself in work, go figure, but hey! that usually means he has wracked up overtime and earned a little vacation once you come back home. A nice long weekend together goes a long way.

Since Andy is very practical and won't put much emotion into text (tell him stuff like that face to face, he prefers it), mostly all he communicates while you are away are reminders of to-dos. He is, however, very diligent about saying he loves you everyday you aren't right beside him...and when you are right beside him

Thank you for asking!

[Main Masterlist; Who Would... Masterlist; Ko-Fi]

a/n: omg is 'IPN' correct? why can't i frickin think of the thingy, the unique address thingymabobber. gerdermit!!!

[gogobluedynamite]

Caine is a very intriguing character. I’m often drawn to enigmatic characters where you can’t entirely be sure what to make of them.

To me, Caine is as much as trapped as the humans under his care. Personality wise, he’s an opposite of his inspiration, being a ‘silly guy’ rather than sadistic, homicidal supercomputer. Despite seeming wanting to help the humans, Caine is unable to fully understand their plight.

So, I would like to see if Caine, with his AI nature in mind, could be capable of honing some level of empathy. Or, at least, actually care.

Before we continue on, I want to say this:

One of the main things that bars the idea of Caine being capable of empathy is the fact that he is an AI.

From what I can gather, there is still a running debate on whether or not AIs are even capable of experiencing emotions like humans do. Yes, AIs lack the complex neural patterns and hormones that humans have to react to certain stimuli. In the philosophical/qualia sense…that is a rabbit hole I am not mentally prepared for, so I am leaving that alone.

I’m not even gonna go into the matrix/simulation theories that even some scientists would show interest in

They [AIs] can probably simulate/mimic emotions according to some…which confuses me a little because, really, there are humans who could do the same. Some of them being sociopaths and while this word is often met with caution (like with psychopaths), you’d be surprised by how many people are actually sociopaths. And some of those people, who act just like anybody else (by living a normal life), could live out their lives not knowing this.

Whatever program Caine could have been built from could very well lack certain details about the ability to understand empathy.

In spite of any future arguments to this, do keep in mind that we are delving into the world of fiction. In sci-fi, depending on the writer, AIs can be capable of experiencing emotions similar to humans. Look at Digimon, Digital Monsters. They’re just as real as their human partners. Also, look at Cortana from the Halo franchise

And, of course, let’s not forget Caine’s main inspiration: AM. Who knows nothing but hate. Hate…hate…hate…

Now! With that out of the way! Let’s go on!

—------------------------------------------------------

First off: Is Caine capable of complex emotion?

I’d say yes.

He was shown to be nervous when the fake Exit Door was brought up, was disgusted and even annoyed by Bubble, steadily frustrated with Zooble’s constant refusal to participate, angered at the very notion that he’s torturing everyone, and (of course) his panic attack. Plus, he’s incredibly prideful with his adventure making.

So, Caine is very much capable of emoting. But, the ability to understand other people’s emotions is a different story.

There are three types of empathy: emotional, cognitive, and compassionate.

Emotional empathy is when you can understand and relate to how others feel. This is pretty much what most people think of when they hear the word ‘empathy’.

Cognitive empathy is the ability to recognize the feelings of others by thinking from their perspective. In other words, perspective taking.

Compassionate empathy is what drives you to act to help, to care, and to protect. It’s what compels you to assist someone if it looks like they are struggling.

So, with this in mind, let’s take a look at Caine with what we have so far in the show and what Gooseworx revealed.

Side note: Whatever is said by other cast members probably won’t apply here as they are more of their headcanons. Even I will try not to be biased by my own head canons.

—---------------------------------------------------

From Goose herself, "There's a whole spectrum of emotion that Caine just doesn't feel.”

What does this mean, exactly? 

As I’ve shown before, Caine is capable of showing a wide range of emotions. Is it empathy? Perhaps, but here’s the thing. Empathy isn’t just this one thing. To be more specific, full empathy isn’t just one thing. There are other factors to it and I did mention three of those above.

Let’s take a look at emotional empathy first. This is where I think Caine lacks the most. He’s an AI and has probably been in the Circus since his creation. He truly can’t empathize with the dilemmas the humans are facing. Additionally, the humans’ avatar bodies work pretty differently compared to Caine, Bubble, and the other NPCs. Caine is a separate entity from the humans in different ways and it can be further alienating.

If you want something more to gnaw on, a lack of emotional empathy can also make you blind to your own emotions. So, perhaps, Caine isn’t truly aware of his insecurity issue?

Next, let’s have a look at cognitive empathy. This is where I think Caine can start working with the humans. I’ve said in another post that all Caine needs is to start perspective taking so he can properly help his wards by ‘seeing through their eyes’ and learn what exactly is upsetting them. I feel the need to bring up his therapy session with Zooble, but I think this topic is better suited in–

Compassionate empathy. This is where I kinda think Caine truly shines. Despite lacking a lot in the emotional and cognitive department, he is going out of his way to try to keep his ‘guests’ sane by any means necessary.

I feel a good example of this is his interactions with Zooble.

At first, Caine seemed patient with Zooble when they showed general disinterest in participating in his adventures.

“Don't worry Zooble, I'm going to make something un-ubtrusive you can still choose to not get involved with.”

In Ep2, even though Caine tried to persuade Zooble to join, he did nothing to stop Zooble from leaving. It isn’t until Ep3 when Caine is starting to get a little annoyed.

Hell, it was here when I started to realize that Caine isn’t just a wacky AI. To me, this is Caine feeling insulted that Zooble keeps skipping out. Adventures is the only thing he’s good at, after all…

Caine initiating the therapy session, to me, is an example of compassionate empathy. He’s taking action to learn why Zooble isn’t participating and tries to find ways. 

Other examples could include him making Gangle’s masks (I am assuming he does) and Zooble’s parts. Are they helpful? …Nooo? At least, not for Gangle as her Comedy mask doesn’t change her emotions. However, it is possible that Gangle have asked for something to help ‘mask’ her emotions (since that’s probably something she’s dealt with back in the real world) and Caine was simply obliging. Same with Zooble and their parts. He took notice that their parts are removable and made them more parts when Zooble brought them up…and consequently forgetting Zooble’s issue because he felt it was solved.

No help from Zooble who’s dismissive attitude is kinda the reason Caine isn’t much help.

This is something I haven’t really touched upon is his AI nature. It kinda makes him literal-minded, taking Zooble’s ‘Forget it’ comment to heart like its a legitimate command.

Can you see why Caine is Autistic coded? Lol.

So, is Caine capable of empathy?

About one-third of empathy. Two-thirds if he starts perspective taking. I don’t think he can reach the levels of emotional empathy, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. Him arranging that therapy session is proof enough to me. 

Plus the fact that he was generally okay with Zooble (and Kinger in Ep4) skipping adventures until a certain point. He could’ve easily forced them to go, but he doesn’t.

He cares about their wellbeing. He cares about their opinions.

He’s going out of his way to make sure the humans’ stay in the Circus is a comfortable one…with mixed results.

While having compassionate empathy is good, it’s not effective for Caine’s efforts without the backing of either cognitive or emotional empathy.

He tries, y’all. He really does.

[shocked-collar]

tips for writing Lawrence? I really admire your writing.

IUKJ,MSEDNGBLKJGLESJLSDERG FIRSTLY THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU I'M LITERALLY SO STRUCK??? MY WRITING???? ADMIRABLE???? I FEEL LIKE MY TEETH ARE GONNA FALL OUT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

*fixes suit and tie* anyway

reminder that i am not gato and these are all my interpretations. the best part about fandom communities is that each mind thinks so alike yet independently, and the way you write a character won't be exactly the way another person does and that's your own personal magic touch.

Just like Ren, Lawrence has certain rules I like to stay attached to. The problem with HIM though is he's such a wild card it's hard to know when these rules apply.

Rule one is to remember Lawrence is isolated. He's used to being on his own and doing things on his own so he doesn't expect or even reach out for help. The idea of another human being kind or helpful for no reason is foreign, if not unrealistic to him.

Rule two is to remember that Lawrence has a very, very specific routine he lives by every week, rarely with interruptions. He's a homebody. He likes things his way and can't have them any other way. It's irritating and gives him a very strange sense of urgency when they're not. This is dangerous because that urgency can very quickly become aggression, as can a lot of things.

Rule three is to remember Lawrence is human. He's pretentious as fuck and speaks so poetically of death, wants to die so very badly, has done incredibly terrible things to people in the name of art, mentally separates himself from the public, believes he's better off locked up somewhere, yet reacts as any other person does to very many things. He says he wants to die, yet cries when his life is threatened or he's scared. He's certain he hates people and people hate him, yet yearns for the company of others who understand him and partakes in communities, even if just online. He says he's better off inside, yet left his house to meet a friend 2 weeks into talking online. He's a 'terrible person,' yet only takes MC home because he didn't want to leave them out there all alone. He's more human than he realizes.

Rule four is to remember he's proficient in gaslighting. Lawrence doesn't think the way other people do! Everything and anything can have meaning, and it's usually what he wants to see. He can make up anything on the fly if it protects him from guilt, fault, sorrow, anxiety, whatever it is he needs to be shielded from. He's quite the brat, so challenging him on any of his interpretations makes him irrationally bothered and he may not even speak to you anymore afterwards. He also uses this mental-protection to keep his world view in order, like in the situation in BTD2 when Ren leaves and he takes it out on you. It was REN who insisted you hangout a while, it was REN who left on a whim- but to Lawrence, you being there at all was the problem and it's all your fault.

Rule five is to keep the image of creepy in mind! Lawrence embodies the type of person you wouldn't want to be caught alone in an elevator with. He just radiates 'bad person' vibes, and his smell and quietness of his voice doesn't help.

And finally, rule six is to remember that Lawrence is a wild card. How he behaves depends on pretty much every single individual circumstance in whatever situation he's in. If he's uncomfortable he could be irritable, if the room has more than 2 other people in it he could be feeling intimidated, if he's meeting with a friend online he could be hesitant and scared, if something scary happens big or small it could launch him into a panic, anxiety, or aggressive attack, if someone's talking and their mouth sounds too wet it could make him hurt himself, if he's bored but nothing seems entertaining enough it could force him to dissociate, he could like this taste or feeling one day and absolutely hate it the next, his opinions on specific people change like the static on TV...

I like to think of Lawrence like an alligator, as they're opportunistic feeders and usually don't attack without provocation. Problem is with Law, you don't really know how you provoked him half the time. He's such an interesting, confusing character that I'm not even sure how to write it down in a way that makes sense. It all really depends on how YOU want to write him.

AGAIN, I'm not sure I helped??? this one is. a lot worse than rens imo. BUT I DID MY BEST AND AGAIN THANK U SM FOR LIKING MY WRITING HEEHEEHEHUEHENRKJDFGNDFLKJGGF

[forevamark]

4. the unbearable truth | time lapse l.mk

Pairing: mark lee x fem!reader

Tags: pre idol debut to idol au, christmas and new years time line, slice of life moments, college student reader, substantial plot leading to smut, very dialogue heavy, angsty moments, slow burn, relationship struggle, lovers to exes to lovers

Intended for 18+ readers, minors do not interact.

masterlist for time lapse

previous ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ next

Word Count : 5.5k+

Summary: Mark has always had the dream of becoming a big music star, meanwhile your aspirations lied with academics and coexisting with Mark. Mark struggles with telling reader that he will be leaving for Korea to pursue his music career very soon, in fear of losing what they have.

warnings are under the tab for chapters that apply.

A/N: I'm so sorry this took so long! I'm trying to graduate rn just like y/n :( but enjoy the angst train!!

December 14, 2023

The creak of the old wooden floors under Mark’s socks was a sound he hadn’t realized he missed until now. The familiar scent of his mom’s cooking wafted through the house, mingling with the faint lavender detergent she always used for the curtains. He leaned against the kitchen counter, watching his dad flip through a worn photo album at the dining table.

“This one’s from the camping trip back in 2015,” his dad said, tilting the album for Mark to see. The photo showed a group huddled around a campfire, their faces lit by the warm glow. Mark was in the middle, arms slung around someone who was laughing—someone who wasn’t supposed to still make his heart twist like this.

His mom glanced over his dad’s shoulder and immediately caught her slip-up. “Oh, Mark, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize Y/N was in this one,” she said, her voice tinged with regret.

Mark forced a small smile, waving it off. “It’s fine, Mom. Really.”

But it wasn’t. Not entirely.

They moved on to the next page, yet the conversation seemed to circle back to you, no matter how much they tried not to.

“Oh! Remember that Thanksgiving when Y/N helped me bake those carrot cookies?” his mom said before catching herself. She winced. “I mean—uh, anyway, you used to love that carrot cookie recipe.”

Mark exhaled softly, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, I remember.”

His dad chuckled, oblivious. “She was always such a great sport about all your mom’s baking experiments. You two used to make a good team in the kitchen.”

“Dad.”

His father finally looked up, realizing his mistake, and his face softened. “Sorry, son. I know it’s... a touchy subject.”

Mark shrugged, swallowing the lump in his throat. “It’s fine. Let’s just... talk about something else.”

The room fell into a brief, awkward silence, broken only by the clatter of dishes as his mom set the table. After a moment, she sat down across from Mark, her expression unusually serious.

“Mark,” she began, her voice gentle but firm, “I know we keep slipping up, but... maybe it’s because we can’t help but associate so many happy memories with her. She was such a big part of your life. And I think—maybe—you miss her, too.”

Mark stiffened, his gaze dropping to the table. “Mom...”

“And not just her,” she pressed. “I think you miss a lot of things. Home, maybe. The simpler times. The you who didn’t have so much pressure on his shoulders.”

His jaw tightened, and he let out a slow breath. “I’m fine. I chose this path, remember? I wanted to go to Korea, to chase my dreams. And I’m doing okay.”

“You are,” she agreed, her eyes softening. “But that doesn’t mean it’s easy. And it doesn’t mean you don’t feel lonely sometimes.”

He looked up at her, his defenses cracking under the warmth of her gaze. “I... yeah. I miss her. And I miss home sometimes. But leaving was something I had to do, Mom. I couldn’t stay here and wonder ‘what if’ my whole life.”

“I know,” she said quietly. “But it’s okay to miss what you had, even while you’re building something new. It doesn’t make you any less brave or successful.”

Mark leaned back in his chair, the weight of her words settling over him. “I guess... I’ve just been trying not to think about it. About her. Or what I left behind.”

“You don’t have to bury it, honey,” she said. “Feel it. Remember it. And then let it be part of what drives you forward, not what holds you back.”

Mark nodded slowly, his chest feeling a little lighter, though the ache remained. Maybe it always would. 

The table was quiet for a long moment, the hum of the old fridge filling the space. Mark sat there, his fingers gripping the edge of his chair as his mom’s words echoed in his mind.

He opened his mouth to say something—anything—but instead, a choked sound escaped. He quickly looked away, blinking rapidly as the pressure in his chest grew unbearable.

“Mark?” his mom asked softly, leaning forward.

“I’m fine,” he said hoarsely, shaking his head. But his voice cracked, betraying him.

Before he could stop himself, his head fell into his hands, and the tears came.

“I miss her, Mom,” he said, his voice muffled but thick with emotion. “I miss her so much.”

His mom was at his side in an instant, her arms wrapping around him. She didn’t say anything, just held him as he let everything out.

“I miss everything,” he continued, his words spilling out like a dam had burst. “I miss sneaking into her house at night, trying not to wake her parents. I miss the way she’d laugh at my stupid jokes, even when they weren’t funny. I miss how she’d make me feel like I could do anything, like I was invincible. And I miss home—your cooking, Dad’s dumb stories, the way things used to be before I left.”

His shoulders shook as he let out a shaky breath, his hands clenching into fists. “I thought I could just leave and be okay, but I’m not. I’m not okay, Mom.”

She rubbed his back soothingly, her heart breaking for him. “Oh, Mark... it’s okay to feel this way. You’ve been holding all of this in for so long, haven’t you?”

He nodded, swallowing hard. “I thought I could just keep moving forward, you know? Like if I focused on my career, it wouldn’t hurt so much. But every time I think about her, it feels like... like I can’t breathe.”

His dad, who had been silent until now, finally spoke. “You know, son, sometimes the things we try to leave behind have a way of sticking with us. And maybe that’s not such a bad thing. It just means it mattered.”

Mark wiped his face with the back of his hand, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. “I still love her, Dad. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop.”

His dad nodded, a small, understanding smile on his face. “Love like that doesn’t just go away. But the question is—what are you going to do about it?”

Mark looked up, his eyes red and glassy. “I don’t even know if she’d want to hear from me. It’s been so long. What if she’s moved on?”

“Maybe she has,” his mom said gently. “But you’ll never know unless you try. And even if she has, at least you’ll have said what’s in your heart. You deserve that closure, Mark, whether it’s a new beginning or a final goodbye.”

He let those words sink in, the weight of them settling alongside the ache in his chest. For the first time in a long while, he allowed himself to think about the possibility of reaching out—not just to her, but to all the parts of himself he’d tried so hard to leave behind.

“I’ll think about it,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper.

His mom squeezed his shoulder, her smile warm and reassuring. “That’s all I ask.”

“You’ll always be tethered together you two,” she starts with a warm smile, “you two spent so much of your lives together, it’s not good to keep them buried. It’s good that you still care about her. I know it may not look like it, but deep down she’s still tethered to you.”

And as Mark sat there, the smell of his mom’s cooking filling the room and his parents’ presence grounding him, he realized that maybe it was time to stop running—from his past, from his feelings, and most of all, from her.

“I need to get her back,” he said straightening out his posture and composing himself, “this isn’t right without her.”

“There we go Mark!” his dad said while getting up to hug him, “you don’t give up.”

Mark was going to your graduation, and you were going to fall back in love with him.

December 15, 2023

The morning light streamed through the curtains, illuminating your small apartment with a soft, golden glow. You stood in front of the full-length mirror in your bedroom, your graduation gown draped over your shoulders. Your fingers smoothed the fabric absently, your heart caught somewhere between excitement and an ache you couldn’t quite ignore.

Your gaze shifted to the black cap resting on your desk, its surface decorated with tiny, carefully arranged rhinestones and a bold quote in gold lettering: hello, future!

Mark had insisted on helping you with it, staying up late one night despite his own schedule being packed. He’d teased you for picking a simple quote but still carefully glued each gem, making sure it was perfect. You remembered the way his face lit up when you two finished, his arm slung around your shoulders as you admired your work.

You bite your lip, willing yourself not to cry.

You turned back to the mirror, adjusting the cap over your styled hair. Your eyes caught the delicate heels on the floor, pristine and elegant, a stark contrast to how you felt inside. Mark had worked overtime to save up for them, presenting them with a goofy grin and a note that read, For my rockstar, who shines brighter than any stage light.

Your chest tightened as you slipped them on. You hadn’t worn them since your breakup.

Walking into the living room, you froze at the sight of the couch. It was still the same soft, slightly worn piece of furniture where you two had spent countless nights. The memories flooded in uninvited: Mark sprawled out with his guitar, humming softly while you reviewed her notes; the way he’d throw a blanket over you two as you drifted off during late-night study sessions; the quiet comfort of his presence as you dreamed of your futures.

Your throat closed up, and you sank onto the couch, your fingers tracing the armrest. A small brown stain reminding you of your favorite take out, and the small things that only Mark would know at the perfect time. 

The weight of the moment hit you all at once. 

You were about to graduate, something you had both worked so hard for, but he wasn’t here to celebrate with you.

As you rested your head against the cushions, your cap slipping slightly to the side. Tears welled in your eyes, and this time, you didn’t fight them.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this without you,” you whispered into the empty room.

Your voice wavered, breaking under the weight of emotions you’d kept buried for months. 

You missed him—more than you wanted to admit. Mark had been there for everything: your late-night breakdowns, your victories, your dreams. And now, as you stood on the brink of achieving one of their shared milestones, the absence of him felt unbearable.

Taking a deep breath, you straightened up, brushing away your tears. You reached for your phone and opened the private photo gallery, scrolling through old pictures of you two. There you two were, smiling brightly, you in his hoodie and him grinning as he held your favorite drink in one hand and peace signs in the other.

Your thumb hovered over his contact, the familiar name staring back at you like a ghost of the past. You wondered if he was thinking about you today—or if he even remembered the cap, the shoes, the promises you made on this very couch.

Your phone buzzed suddenly, snapping you out of your thoughts. It was your photographer, letting you know they were ready to start.

As you stood, taking one last look around the apartment, the memories lingered, but so did your determination. You adjusted your cap, forcing a small smile in the mirror.

“Here’s to moving forward,” you murmured, even as your heart whispered, 

But I still miss you.

With that, you grabbed your bag and stepped out the door, leaving behind the echoes of a love she wasn’t sure she’d ever fully let go of.

–

The sun was unforgiving as it bore down on the packed university auditorium, the air abuzz with excitement and the murmur of proud families gathered to celebrate their graduates. Seungcheol sat near the top of the auditorium, nervously adjusting the collar of his white button-up for the hundredth time. It was already perfectly straight, but he couldn’t stop fidgeting. He glanced down at the bouquet of flowers in his hand—roses, lilies, and baby’s breath, a group of flowers he bought from Winn Dixie.

“She’s going to love these,” he muttered under his breath, though his voice lacked conviction.

Nearby, your family huddled in a tight circle, their expressions a mix of anticipation and mild irritation as they avoided looking his way. He had made his presence more than known since arriving—offering to carry their things, insisting on getting the best seats, and loudly recounting stories of how Y/N had stayed up late preparing for her exams, as if they didn’t already know.

“Is he ever going to stop talking?” your older brother whispered to your mom, who responded with a barely concealed sigh.

“Doubt it,” your dad grumbled, crossing his arms. His sharp glare cut across the distance between them, and Seungcheol froze mid-step as if the weight of their collective disdain had finally hit him.

Still, he wasn’t the type to give up. He tightened his grip on the bouquet and plastered on a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I just want to make today special for her,” he murmured to himself, more determined than ever.

“Oh we know, Seungcheol,” your mom sighed while patting his shoulder and sitting next to him, “I think they’re about to walk out now.”

–

You straightened your cap one more time, as Pomp and Circumstance played in the background. 

It’s time! All of this hard work, it’s time!

The crowd erupted into congratulatory cheers as your graduating class walked out. The journey to your seat felt like a blur. Your leg tapped incessantly waiting through all of the fluff and pleasantries from your esteemed professors. And soon enough, it was your time to walk.

Your row stood together heading towards the stage, and you wince as you hear Seungcheol calling out to you, clearly disregarding the current students’ names being called. You look over to him, your family trying yet failing to get him to pipe down. 

His grin was infectious, but you were burning red in embarrassment. The large gaudy balloons behind him stared back at you. As you awaited your turn, your eyes scanned the crowd full of familiar faces from the library and just soaking in the moment.

And as the universe would have it, your eyes meet a single hooded and masked figure in a light blue button up. His phone was up clearly pointed at you.

Mark.

Wow, he really came! You couldn’t believe it and the confidence soared through you fleetingly as you felt yourself being pushed forward to hand your name card to the staff member reading out names.

“Y/n, Y/LN!”

You felt a rush of anxiety roll off you as you shakily walked across the stage to shake the dean’s hand. 

“Breath, y/n, you’re finally done!” 

You follow their advice and plaster a giant smile towards the camera.

Your friends and family’s cheers were loud but Seungcheol’s was embarrassingly aggressive.

Your ears pick up another voice from the other side of the auditorium. 

Mark stood jumping up and down, holding his phone tightly and just about fell over through the row in front of him.

He chanted your name and for some reason, it all felt right.

This is the moment you always wanted.

You smile all the way back to your seat.

As Seungcheol didn’t relent on his own parade of accolades and cat calling, Mark sat down and watched you in awe.

“I’m so proud of you, Y/N,” he whispered.

–

“Congratulations!” Seungcheol said as he held out the bouquet and obnoxious balloons, his grin impossibly wide. “You were amazing up there! You looked so good, and I mean wow this dress—”

“Thank you,” you cut him off gently, taking the flowers and squeezing his hand to calm his nerves. Or was it your nerves… what was Mark doing here? I mean yeah your heart is soaring at the fact he came- WHAT? NO!

He smiles at you wildly, pulling his hand away to engulf you in a giant rocking hug. You embrace him back, letting out the sigh you have been holding in for hours now.

This is fine. 

Yup. 

Your father cleared his throat loudly, a not-so-subtle reminder that they were watching. 

“Alright, family picture time!” Seungcheol announced, clapping his hands together. “I’ll take it for you. Everyone line up!”

Your mom raised an eyebrow, her tone as sharp as ever. “We were just about to do that, actually.”

“Perfect timing, then!” he replied, oblivious to the sarcasm.

As your family reluctantly shuffled into position, Y/N placed a hand on Seungcheol’s arm. “Maybe... let them lead this one,” you whispered.

Seungcheol blinked, his enthusiasm deflating ever so slightly. “Right. Of course. Family moment.” He stepped back, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

Seungcheol backed away slowly, trying to make himself busy by staring at the nearby tree… which of course Mark just so happened to be standing by, watching the entire interaction, his body in mid turn, awaiting to retreat into the crowd. He was embarrassed to even show up… you’re happy right?

Their eyes met with quick anger and jealousy.

Mark’s arms filled with white and pink tulips- your favorite, and the build-a-bear box tucked in his palm.

Seungcheol was about to storm towards him but was quickly whisked away to take a picture with you. 

You sported a tight lipped smile as his arm found it’s way to your waist. 

 As Mark watched you hug Seungcheol, he felt the familiar tug at his heart of seeing you and and him at Izaiah’s party the other week. Angst, hurt, and jealousy flowed through him, but most of all envy and cowardness.

Mark’s shoulders hung low, and he turned around trying to find the quickest and quietest exit. 

“Mark, right?” he heard a small voice say from next to him.

He turned to see the build a bear employee from the mall.

“I could tell from the box, have you found her yet?” she asked excitingly.

“Yeah, I did,” he responds sadly.

“Well, why do you still have everything in your arms? I don’t know… give it to her, maybe?” she laughs.

Mark sighs meeting her gaze. Oh? She’s in a full graduation cap and gown, how rude of him! 

“Oh! Uhm…ha, Congrats to you! My apologies for having you stop me while I burden you with my …problems,”

“Thank you,” she smiles with hands on her hips, “My name is Camille by the way.”

“Mark,” he says with a small smile.

“Like we didn’t already know that haha…” she pushes him lightly.

As Camille tried to convince Mark to approach you, he was so in his head that he didn’t notice the longing eyes from you just yards away. 

So this is how he moves on, huh? And to think he cared! All this time, it was for his new girl…

The girl pushes him lightly causing him to chuckle and it feels like someone stabbed you in the stomach. She looks over at his bouquet and take it out of his hands, smelling the fresh tulips. It feels like someone is twisting a knife around in your stomach.

And the cherry on top of killing you slowly was watching him hug her tightly with his eyes closed.

Your aura was palpable to your friends and family, almost as they can envision the slow bleeding out of your heart as you watched the interaction.

“How about we head to dinner now, y/n,” Kathy says to you softly from your right.

“Who even is she anyways?” Izaiah says from your left.

“The new graduate is riding with me of course!” Seuncheol announces while slinging an arm around you, “just let me take care of something first.” 

You nod lightly and walk over to your mom explaining the plans to meet up for the gathering. Seungcheol kept his smile plastered until you were lost in the crowd. His eyes narrowed as he pushed his way over to meet Mark.

“So what did you graduate with?” Mark smiles lightly before taking the flowers back from Camille’s arms.

“Got a lot of nerve showing up here, Big Shot,” Seungcheol hisses out while bumping into him.

“It was psychology…” Camille says with a questioning glare between the both of them.

“Thank god you moved on,” Seungcheol laughs before looking at Camille, “Careful with this one!”

“I think I see what’s going on here…” she says with a tight lip, “Mark, this will be an easy win for you don’t worry.” 

Mark laughs lightly while taking in a deep breath, “Thanks Camille. Enjoy your day, congratulations again.” Camille walks off while shaking her head, but not without a hard shoulder check towards Seungcheol.

“Of course I would be here for her big day, I’ve been there every step of the way.”

“You were, now you’re not. Just give it up, bro,” Seungcheol says while moving closer to Mark, his own frame towering over him, “Look at her, yeah,” he turns Mark to align with you smiling with the balloons around you, “That’s the face a girl makes when she’s happy. That’s the face a girl makes when you treat her right,” if that wasn’t enough he whispers into Mark’s ear, “That’s the face a girl makes when she moves on from a little bitch.” 

Mark shakes in pain. 

You look so happy.

“Can’t you just let her go? For her.” 

Mark’s hands loosen on the bouquet of tulips in his hands. 

You look so much more happy.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take these off your hands,” Seungcheol says with a smirk, “Thanks man, didn’t think she was a tulip girl,” he grips Mark’s arm as he seeths out a final, “Stay the fuck away from her. It would be a shame if you can’t perform due to…say a broken leg?”

Mark stands still as tears well in his eyes. 

“Cheol!” he can hear you calling out for him.

“I’m coming babe!” he yells out and let’s go of Mark while walking over to meet you.

“There you are, time to go now,” you smile, not evening noticing Mark’s sulking in the background.

“Just had to surprise you one last time,” he grins and engulfing you in a hug, turning just slightly to wink at Mark.

“Tulips! How did you know they’re my favorite?”

Because of me. Mark tries to say, but his voice fails him. 

Seungcheol sneaks a cheeky kiss on your temple, “Wait I think I dropped my keys one sec! You keep walking I know you walk slow in those heels.”

You roll your eyes and walk away, Seungcheol running up to Mark one last time, “Almost forgot!” He snatches the build a bear box right out of his hands, “Thanks Mark, you always did know what to get her!”

His eyes never leave you as you trot along in your heels towards the parking lot. Amidst the throbbing pain in his chest, a realization hit him.

He couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him. So much so he bent over and leaned against the tree to hold him up. Maniacal, he sounded. 

If you didn’t love him anymore, why did you wear those heels?

—-

The cool December air hums with laughter and the flickering glow of fairy lights were strung across the backyard. The scent of barbecue and freshly cut grass lingers in the air, mixing with the distant sound of chatter and music. It’s your graduation party—your moment. After the past year, after all the pain, the doubt, the nights where you thought you’d never make it through, you finally have something to celebrate.

So why does it still feel so… unreal?

“Hey,” Kathy nudges you, pulling you from your thoughts. “You should actually enjoy this, you know? This is everything you worked for.” She gives you a pointed look before taking a sip from her cup. “You deserve to be happy.”

You exhale, trying to let the words sink in, but there’s a part of you that still hesitates. You glance around at the people who have come to celebrate—your family, your friends, even the neighbors who barely know you but showed up for the free food. It’s all so perfect. Too perfect.

“It just doesn’t feel real yet,” you admit, voice quieter than you intended.

Kathy smiles, but there’s a knowing glint in her eyes. “Well, it is. And if you don’t start acting like it, I will personally make you.”

Before you can respond, another voice cuts through the air.

“Oh, come on, are we really just gonna ignore the elephant in the room?”

You turn to see Izaiah, standing with his arms crossed, shaking his head in clear disapproval. He doesn’t even bother lowering his voice as he jerks his chin toward the other side of the yard, where Seungcheol is deep in conversation with your uncle.

“Because that guy? He’s the worst.”

Your stomach tightens. “Izaiah, not now.”

“Nah, now is the perfect time,” he presses, stepping closer. “We’re all thinking it, Y/N. I literally just talked to your brother about him. He sucks! You’ve been pretending to be happy, but you don’t have to force it. Yes, you have been out more, but it doesn’t feel like you. You’ve had a rough year, sure, but that doesn’t mean you have to settle for some guy who acts like a dick every time he speaks.”

Kathy chokes on a laugh, trying to play it off when you glare at her.

“Hey he’s funny!” Kathy chuckles, “He pulled our girl out of her funk.”

“Are dumb or are you stupid? She’s still in the funk! Girl open you’re eyes!” Izaiah exclaims.

“Zai, I’m fine,” you say, the words coming out sharper than you intended.

“Are you?” He doesn’t budge. “Because you don’t look like someone who just got their life back on track. You look like someone trying really, really hard to convince themselves they’re okay.”

You open your mouth to respond, but before you can, your mom’s voice rings out from the deck.

“Alright, everyone! Let’s head on inside, it’s getting pretty cold. It’s time for presents!”

The conversation halts, tension still thick in the air. You force a smile and step away, feeling Izaiah’s gaze linger on you, filled with something dangerously close to concern.

“Everything is fine. This is what I have always wanted.”

“We’re not done talking about this.” Zai rolls his eyes and looks at Kathy, “Can’t believe you support dating this child of a man.”

“We’re not dating, yet.” you whisper.

“He’s hot!” Kathy shouts at him as she watches Zai pull a middle finger at her from behind his retreating frame.

Seungcheol was at the door girating his hips while beckoning everyone inside with some silly shouting. 

Zai turns around one last time to shoot you both a disappointed glare.

“Well, he can be hot at times…” Kathy takes back.

As you make your way to the stack of neatly wrapped gifts, you push down the words you don’t want to admit are true. Maybe Izaiah isn’t wrong. Maybe you are pretending. Maybe you aren’t as happy as you want to be.

But tonight isn’t the time to think about that.

Tonight, you’re supposed to celebrate.

Even if you don’t quite know how.

-

You sit on the cushioned patio chair, a pile of torn wrapping paper and envelopes gathering at your feet as the night continues with your loved ones around you. Your dad stands nearby, his phone raised, recording every moment while your friends and family watch with warm smiles.

“Alright, last one,” you say, reaching for the final gift on the table.

The moment your fingers brush against the box, a flicker of recognition sparks in your chest. It’s a Build-A-Bear box—white with blue stars, the signature handle looped through the top. A few people chuckle knowingly, but you can’t bring yourself to look up just yet. 

And then you see it.

“Whose this one from?” You raise an eyebrow at the only left suspect.

“Guess who!” he laughs uncomfortably.

You barely notice as you get up to sit next to him, “So which one did you get me?”

“It’s a surprise!” he says with a smirk.

Your hands feel a little too steady as you carefully lift the lid, peeling back the tissue paper inside. A plush bunny, soft brown fur, wearing a tiny graduation cap and gown. Your stomach clenches as you pull it out, holding it in your lap. There’s a faint weight to it, heavier than a normal stuffed animal. 

“This is so cute!” Kathy gleams from the side holding her camera up, “look over here for a pic!”

Izaiah rolls his eyes again as you two get scooched together for a picture. 

You turn the bunny to look at you, and you couldn’t help but have a wide grin.

“You like it?” Seungcheol asks oddly smug.

“Of course, I love it,” you say with a small peck to his cheek, “wait I didn’t know you put a voice recording in it!”

“Oh!” Seungcheol exclaims while grabbing the bunny out of your arms and holding it out of your reach, “Forgot about that sorry!”

“Well, let me hear it!” you say confused.

“Let’s hear it, lover boy!” your dad playfully yells from the side with his camera out.

“Uh… it’s a little personal don’t worry guys just a bit embarrassed…” he sweats.

“Just play the fucking bunny, y/n!” Zai shouts grabbing the stuffed animal out of his hands and throwing it at you. 

The audience in front of you cheering for you to press it.

“Y/n, don’t-”

You press the little button on it’s hand.

The audio begins with an undeniable stutter.

A stutter that makes everyone go silent, you gasp.

“Is it on? Okay. U-uh hi Y/n, congrats. You finally did it. I can’t believe you’re already done. Just know that I have never stopped thinking about you. Every time I’m at the studio, practice – fuck I just wish I would have known that chasing my dreams meant losing you. I wouldn’t have picked this. It was supposed to be us, everything I sing, it’s about you. It’s so hard without you. But. This is the life we live in. I’m happy that you’re happy. This bunny represents your dreams and all starting. Y/n. I can’t wait to read your book one day. Just know I’ll always love y–.”

The audio cuts right before he finished. A silent sob overflows. 

“y/n,” Seungcheol says while reaching out for you.

“Go home.” Zai says cutting him off, using his body as a barrier.

“I just-” 

“Go home,” Kathy sighs while ushering him away.

“Alright party’s over everyone!” Your mom calls out solemnly gesturing for everyone to leave.

--------------------------------

Seungcheol... i'm bout to beat you up!!!

hehe anyways, sorry this took so long :(

as always, lmk your thoughts, questions, predictions... lowk the more the better it makes me feel motivated to post these bc it reminds me that there are people who will actually read my works and it's not just a little hobby to satisfy my delulu <3

xoxo eva

[beneathsilverstars]

okay the loop pronoun thing its like its like the splinter in my mind that sticks out just enough to get caught on stuff and irriatate the stuff further in.

because they start off with the royal we before going oh wait thats a personal thing not how other people refer to you. so that with the masking literally everything i am genuinely completely undecided on if the pronouns are like they actually just dont associate any with themselves anymore, their lying and covering it up so siffrin wont suspect anything or if its like they just need some time to be around people again and then itll be like ohhhhhh thats why i like these right.

and from there it goes into we literally have no idea how they act around people. okay they were siffrin but now have been so completely transformed by the looping that they are different enough to qualify as someone else.

they get called shy by the party but is that because they realize talking to them will have permanet consequences? is it because they remind them of who theyve lost? is it because they just havent talked to anyone aside from siffrin?

if they got comfortable around others would they be sassy like they are around siffrin?

loops everything is so wrapped up in the timeloops that its like there is almost nothing that can be said for sure about how they would act outside them at this point its like yeah they were siffrin but theyve forgotten all that and are different at least somewhat from everything.

the looping time really has utterly crushed them and then remolded them into something new and it is shown so so well through what is and isnt there about them and its so irritating they are literally a puzzle begging to be solved and the pieces are all blackened from fire and some are a bit out of shape and its like this used to be a solvable puzzle but at this point who knows!

yesss i do think the they/them was just the quickest default that they at least knew they didn't hate, and they're no longer Siffrin Enough to share siffrin's preference for he/him or they/them, though they may now (or one day) have their own preference for they/them. sometimes i give loop more pronouns later because there's no way they won't change a lot post-loops! (or in aus where they've otherwise had more time to think about it and try things out.) i'm fond of she/they/it loop but i may be biased lol

WE JUST KNOW SO LITTLE ABOUT THEM!!!

we know they were siffrin, a long long time ago.

we know how they act with siffrin, who doesn't yet know who they are, during the timeloops -- which are all three very big and specific criteria.

and then we know how they acted in acts 5 and 6, which are also super unique and unreplicable situations! obviously in act 6 they were just faced with the fact that a happy ending was possible all along but it can now never be theirs, on top of this being the first interaction in which siffrin knew loop's identity and loop knew siffrin knew. and then in act 5, this was their first interaction with the party as loop, which only happened because of desperate circumstances, and started off on the very wrong foot of utter devastation at not being recognized, which meant they abandoned their plans and improvised, all while everyone is super worried about siffrin and then trying to navigate the fucked up house. very weird and overwhelming situations!!

you can draw clues about how loop might act post-canon from all of these things we know, but you can't just straight up extrapolate, yknow? their in-game feelings and motivations just will never again apply in the same way, post-canon. and on top of the new contexts in which they'll be living, their trajectory will surely be strongly affected by their immediate post-canon circumstances, to the point that even putting them back into more-familiar contexts somehow would now provoke new responses. they could go in so many directions!! we just don't know!!!

sometimes people are talking about how loop would act post-canon and they say things so definitively and im like. man i think it depends 😭 we know so little about them and they know so little about themself.

[soo0hee]

Just One Chance

This is part of the Lonely Hearts Cafe Collab by @camandemstudios

Pairing — Boo SeungkwanxReader

Summary — while for some valentines day was a day spend filled with love, compassion and roses, for you it was a total disaster. Alone and dissapointed you return home after what was suppossed to be the saving grace for your relationship where you were met with your best friend and roommate Boo Seungkwan. Maybe your night wouldn't end with total catastrophe...

Genre — fluff, maybe a lil hurt/comfort if you will

AU/Trope Info — Non!IdolAU

Wordcount — 3.1k

Warnings — ex-boyfriends being idiots, Kwannie being a jealous and rambling cutie

Rating — PG-13

Disclaimer: this fic is written and copyrighted by ©soo0hee on tumblr. do not rewrite or repost on any other plattforms without my permission.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED!

“And you are sure you want to give him another chance?” Seungkwan asked with his eyebrow raised almost into his hairline and his arms crossed in front of his chest. He was leaning against the wooden frame of your door, eyes not straying away for even a second and more than a little displeased about the fact that you had yet again, chosen to give that asshat you called your boyfriend a chance to make up for all the dates he had missed over the last few months.

Yes, months. How you were still able to simply look past all this dicks faults when he had already told you he would change for the, what felt like millionth time, and every single time it left you more disappointed than the last time. And every single time it was Seungkwan, who had picked up the pieces after he was met with teary eyes, hunched over shoulder and the expression of a kicked puppy that had his heart skip a beat upon you entering your shared apartment after another failed night with Nick.

Oh, how Seungkwan learned to hate that name. Just the mention of it made him feel livid enough to want to punch a hole into his rooms wall and yet he would wait for you to come home time and time again with your favorite fuzzy blanket, your favorite cup; a bag of your favorite tea already waiting to be poured over with boiling water, a tub of ice cream equipped with two gigantic spoons and open arms for you to fall into when you needed him to just listen to your angry huffs that, in his humble opinion made you look more like an angry teddy bear then a real threat to society.

Not once had he send you away when you were faced with yet another disappointing night in which your boyfriend had either failed to give you more attention than his phone, flirted with anything that wasn´t sitting in a tree at the count of three while you were sitting right beside him and not bother showing up at all. And even when he hated how the result always seemed to be the same, Seungkwan would rather burn in hell then stop being the person you came to after your failed nights with Nick.

Even if it ripped his heart to shreds to witness you running back to a man that was so clearly not interested in what you had to offer. A man that didn´t see the love, the care, the kindness and so many more things you were willing to give in a relationship. A man, who was evidently not him.

Even then he would wait for you.

“Just this last time Boo. It´s Valentine ’s Day after all and I want to see if at least tonight, Nick can follow through with his promises. If he does, then fine I’m willing to give him another chance but if not, he can finally go to hell.” You sighed and applied one last layer of lip-gloss before smacking your lips together with a pop.

Seungkwan pursed his lips, already having a feeling that this night was not going to be different to all the other times.

“How do I look?” Turning around to face your friend and roommate you tilted your head to the side with a questioning look on your face.

Many words were burning on the tip of his tongue to be said.

Beautiful, ravishing, gorgeous, stunning, angelic and so many more clouded his mind and yet he only settled for a simple, “Good.”

You rolled your eyes at his blunt answer but you also knew that Seungkwan meant it when he said so. He was no liar, at least he had never lied to you about anything and you trusted your judgment and gut maybe a little more then you should. After all, your gut had also once told you what a great guy Nick was.

Seungkwan watched you get up and grab your purse from your desk.

“Do you know when you´ll be home again?”

His question was met with a shrug. “Depends on how the night will go really. I could be back in an hour, late at night or tomorrow morning. Honestly at this point can´t say I expect much.”

‘Then don´t go!’ was what he wanted to say but stayed silent. It was no use. He knew how stubborn you could be and that if you put your mind to something the chance of him getting you to change your mind was slim to nonexistent. And so he sends you out the door with a wave.

His own plans were rather simple. Without a date and no real desire to leave the coziness of your shared home, Seungkwan preferred the quietness of a night in. His companion for the night? Left over Jajangmyeon that was still in the fridge, Netflix and maybe, if he was lucky enough he would find the Soju you had hidden somewhere in the apartment.

The plans were quite sad if you remembered that today was Valentine’s Day but that was nothing that really bothered him. Sure, his friends had teased him mercilessly for not asking out the girl that served him his coffee every morning before he went to work with an extra sweet bat of her eyes but Seungkwan could not remember a day on which he had even once indulged her flirtations. So yes, his plans were boring and Seungkwan was absolutely fine with that.

One movie turned into two and just when he thought his night would be spent alone, he could hear the beeping sound of the entrance code be punched into the lock system before the door opened and you entered the apartment on soft soles. How you managed to do that in the heels you were wearing Seungkwan had no clue.

The man turned his head to catch your eyes and the slightly amused smile was immediately whipped from his face; the “I told you so.” That had been waiting to be said suddenly stuck in his throat.

Fresh tear tracks were glistening on the apple of your cheeks, make up smudged and your eyes still watery like you had stopped crying just a few moments ago.

You dropped your purse carelessly on the floor, kicked the heels away and trudged over to where your roommate was waiting with his arm held out so you could take his hand; pulling you down and into his side where you buried your face into the soft material of his shirt.

Seungkwan didn´t mind the mascara which would no doubt stain the fabric. He´d just wash the shirt the next day when he did his laundry either way.

“Don´t you want to tell me that you told me so and that I’m dumb for thinking tonight could be any different?” your words were muffled by the fabric but could be heard well enough and while the words had undoubtedly something he was going to say, he also felt quite bad that he even had the chance to say them. He had hoped that for once you didn´t come home downtrodden and that for once Nick had gotten his shit together.

“No, I’m just sorry that it happened again. What was it this time? You were out for quite some time?” Seungkwan comforted gently, fingers tracing over the back of your neck where your hair exposed the skin.

“It was fine. Nick was punctual, nice and paid attention and I thought, wow! He really surprised me there. And then when we were about the order dessert suddenly this girl stood at our table. Causing a scene and yelling about what an ass he was and if I’m the bitch he replaced her with as if, and I quote, “He hadn´t spend the last 6 months fucking her every weekend!” Kwan he didn´t cheat on me. I was the he cheated with! It was so humiliating.”

Two things were on his mind hearing this. One, the urge to drive over to Nicks place and punch the lights out of him. And two, tell him what an utter fool he was for treating you like a toy that could be put on the shelf until he wanted to play again.

“I feel so dumb. How did I not see this? How did I honestly thing he was worth giving him so many chance when all Nick did was treat me like dirt?” you twisted your head a bit to glance up at Seungkwan`s face through your lashes.

Pushing back the urge to bend down and press his mouth to the slight pout of your lips, Seungkwan shook his head.

“Don´t say that, you´re not dumb! You were just… in love…” he choked out his last words like they were poison in his mouth.

Somehow his words shook something inside you.

Were you really in love with Nick? Was that really what it was? Or was it you holding onto someone because you didn´t want to be alone anymore?

“Maybe…” you sighed just to turn your head back into your roommate, arms thrown around his mid section.

The TV filled the silence between you with mindless banter which went in over your head.

“You know what? We won´t let tonight end like this! Go to your room, wipe those tears away and wear something comfortable.” He nudged you a bit, words met with a grumble on your side.

“What why?” you questioned and refused to move.

Seungkwan nudged you again, this time harder and you let go to sit up and stare at him as he freed himself from the blanket thrown over his legs and lap to get up. Your arms fell a bit, hands reaching for your own to pull you up from the couch.

“You´ll see. Meet you here in 10.”

Confused but following his instruction you stumbled to your room. You got rid of the slightly too tight dress and opted for sweat pants and a hoodie you had stolen from Seungkwan some time ago. Well, stolen might not be the right word for this. Seungkwan knew very well where it was, he had seen you wearing it often enough and even put it on your bed again after having done his washing multiple times. Ignoring that half of your closet at this point consisted of his clothes.

“Are you ready?” Seungkwan called from the hallway and stuck his head through the door.

You nodded and slipped into your sneakers; Seungkwan handing you your jacket he had picked up from the living room floor.

“Then come on.”

The cold of a February night hit you in the face and you hooked your arm into the man`s by your side.

“Are you going to tell me where we are going?” you asked, still not sure what he was up to.

“Just walk with me. You´ll see.” He hummed and pulled you along with him. You realized that Seungkwan was not planning on telling you where you were going and so you decided to simply enjoy his company.

The night was cold and you were glad you had your jacket on because you were sure you wouldn´t have survived this walk if not.

You took in the neighborhood, walking past stores and restaurants you usually hurried past without paying them much mind when you either went to work or returned from it and only wanted to bury yourself in your bed. They looked cozy, like something you would love to check out sometime soon. Maybe Seungkwan could join you for that and only as you walked further did you realize where you went.

The sight of the water of the Han River rippling as wind brushed over it, on some place close to the shore even frozen from the drop in temperature opened itself and the lights of the city reflecting beautifully on the surface as you made your way to the park close to where you were.

Visiting this place was definitely something you should do more often. The sight was amazing and in midst of the buzzing city, it was a welcoming place of quietness that had something magically to offer. The light of the street posts lighting up the way, bathing it in a soft glow and giving Seungkwan a little halo over his dark brown hair with his muffs on his ears.

You watched his side profile as you walked together, and something inside your stomach stirred.

It wasn´t that you didn´t know Seungkwan was handsome, no you weren´t blind after all, you could see why he was constantly fawned over by your girlfriends or why when he was out men and women were turning their heads to look after him when passing by them. But never had it made you feel like you were a fool for not realizing just how beautiful he was when you looked closer like you did now.

His soft, slightly ruffled hair fell in gentle waves, strands framing his face like the frame of a portray, enhanced its impact. The puffy coat he was wearing almost swallowed him, making him appear much smaller then he actually was and like a giant teddy bear you wanted to hug as much as he would let you.

“You should just take a picture if you plan staring at me all night. It holds longer and you can take it anywhere you go, that way I’d always be with you.” He teased and winked at you.

You felt heat flush your cheeks at being caught in your staring.

“Sorry!” you squealed higher then you had intended and looked to the ground in shame. Seungkwan chuckled in amusement.

“It´s fine. I know I look amazing.”

You scoffed in mock offence and punched his shoulder with the hand not hooked around his arm. He dramatically pulled a face.

“You´re so mean! Punching me when all I’m trying to do is being a good friend!”

“You´re a little shit, is what you are!”

Seungkwan grabbed his heart, acting like he had just been shot in the chest. His theatrics made you laugh freely. It was the first time since you had left the restaurant a few hours ago in which you felt like you were where you were supposed to be.

“This? That smile you have right now? This suits you so much better than the tears from earlier.”

You let out a soft sigh, smile still painted onto your face. Seungkwan lifted his arm, brushing a lose lash away from your cheek as it clung to it. The warmth of his skin seeping into your bones, even if only for one tiny moment. Your heart sunk at the missing feeling just the smallest bit.

“I´m glad, I-” you began yet stopped when your eyes caught his. The lumps in your throat making it almost impossible to speak without sounding like you were going to cry again. Not because of Nick, no. All you were able to think about was Seungkwan.

Seungkwan who made you laugh every moment spend together. Seungkwan who cared more for his friends then for himself oftentimes. Seungkwan who had a soft spot for his baby bookkeu. Seungkwan who breathed smiles and energy and Seungkwan who managed to make your knees weak with the simplest of actions.

Waiting for you to continue Seungkwan looked at you with his hand tilted to the side.

“Thank you, for being here. For having my back…”

His eyes softened at this.

“You never need to thank me for that, y/n. You can always trust me to have your back when you need me. I´ll be there.”

His breath fanned over your cold skin, eyes flickering down to your mouth as nibbled on your lower lip.

“Boo I-“you whispered into the night when you felt his lips on your own. Gently moving against them like he was afraid you´d run away any second before pulling away. The touch was only fleeting. Barely a few seconds and yet you weren´t able to shake it from your mind!

Abrupt Seungkwan pulled back, taking two steps back and away from you. His wide panicked eyes looking anywhere but you and your heart dropped at his violent reaction.

“I´m sorry, I´m so sorry! I shouldn’t have- this shouldn´t have happened and I wasn´t supposed to-“

Quickly you reached out to hold his flailing hands still in yours.

“Seungkwan stop!” you called out hoping to break through his panic but it was unsuccessful. Avoiding looking at you and trying to get his hands out of your soft grip, he tucked them back with little to no force.

“Stop!” you yelled once more and the man froze.

“Stop.”

“But you-“

“I´m not mad.”

“Why not? You should be. I shouldn´t have kissed you, it was a mistake! A mistake that shouldn´t have happened because I CAN`T lose you!” he rambled more to himself than he was talking to you.

Giving him your best –Don´t bullshit me- face you stared at him. “Who, in the ever loving fuck told you that you could ever lose me?”

Seungkwan shook his head, devastation written all over his face.

“You don´t know that. Because if you knew you would run.”

“Try me.”

Staring at you like you had grown a second head Seungkwan stood there not knowing what to do with himself.

“Try me and see what will happen Boo. I bet you´d be surprised.”

He sighed loudly and looked to the ground. Not brave enough to see how your face would inevitably change to one of disgust and rejection.

“I love you y/n. I´ve done so for ages and those last few months have slowly been killing me inside! I- i hate Nick for treating you like you weren´t something to be cherished every second of the day and I hate that you went back to him so many times even if you knew, you knew that he wouldn´t change. Nick was an asshole who is blind to how amazing you truly are. Who never knew how to treat you…”

It was amazing to witness the usually smooth talking Seungkwan fumbling for words. Stuttering like he didn´t know what to say and a scared in a way you rarely ever got see.

“…and if you could give me just one chance to proof that I can treat like you deserve, I would…”

Rushing to cut him off you roughly took a hold of his face to press another short yet sweet kiss to his lips before raising an eyebrow with a teasing smile dancing on your lips.

“One chance.”

[rip-vanwinkle]

Toby x Fem!Reader? Your choice on how you want it to go, be it fluffy, angsty or smutty. I just like to suggest the topic and let the writer let their creative juices flow.

I really been lookin’ for a new person to read from is all since I’ve fallen ill to the love for Creepypasta once again lol

it’s a date?

ticci toby/toby rogers x fem!reader (sfw)

(hopefully this isn’t too terrible i’m still feeling things out :’) i’d like to potentially continue this maybe?? BUT thank you so much for the request! <3 toby happens to be my favorite so i’m glad this was my first)

guide:

y/n - your name

y/nn - your nickname

this might have been the dumbest bet you have ever participated in. in fact, you would’ve said no if 1.) the payout hadn’t been semi-decent and 2.) a certain lanky, fluffy-haired man wasn’t involved. it was ridiculous, but doable. act like a couple for the night, split 150 dollars.

as you got ready for your “date”, you thought about the man you had been relatively close with for a while now. Toby was a genuinely nice guy, and a bit of a dork more often than not. goofy at best, downright off-putting at worst. so of course when Tim approached you with this genius idea, you figured it couldn’t hurt.

that was two hours ago. now, doing your makeup in front of your lighted vanity mirror, you felt your stomach turning.

“come on y/n, don’t be ridiculous. you have nothing to be nervous about,” you mumbled to yourself. yet you couldn’t stop your hand from shaking while you were applying your lip gloss. were you… excited? no. that’s silly.

you heard a knock on your bedroom door.

“you can come in,” you said, wiping the excess gloss from the corners of your lips.

“hey (y/n/n), are y-you almost ready to go?” the brunette asked, peering his head into your room.

“you can bring the rest of yourself in here, yknow,” you teased.

Toby pushed the door all the way open, leaning his tall frame against it. he looked good. really good. his navy blue suit hugged him in all the right places, but particularly his arms. you forgot that he actually had muscles under that baggy hoodie he always wears.

“a-are you gonna finish g-getting ready? or are y-you gonna keep s-staring?” he smirked. you rolled your eyes and turned back around, fixing your stray hairs.

when you arrived at your work dinner, you couldn’t help but feel like all eyes were on you. well, on your date at least. none of your colleagues knew that you were bringing a plus-one, and you usually sat out when it came to the typical relationship gossip. you looked up at Toby, and it was clear he felt the spotlight too.

“j-jeez, i know i look good, b-but i didn’t think i looked that g-good,” he chuckled, straightening his suit jacket. you knew he wasn’t loving the attention, so you quickly found a place to sit next to some of your more… tolerable coworkers.

“(y/n)! don’t be rude, introduce us to your friend here,” Amanda smiled, giving a small wave to Toby. the rest of the girls followed suit, clearly enjoying the view.

“well, long time no see ladies! this is my boyfriend, Toby. we just recently started dating,” you replied, motioning to the man of the hour. you couldn’t help but feel somewhat possessive. marking him as “off limits” felt kind of good.

the rest of the evening went just about as you expected. work gossip, drinks, intrusive questions about your new “relationship”, et cetera, et cetera. it wasn’t until the night was coming to an end, and you had definitely had one too many aperol spritzes that things took a slight turn. you weren’t even thinking when you leaned your head onto his shoulder - it felt like pure instinct. you were too occupied giggling at some embarrassing story one of your colleagues brought up to think twice.

as soon as you realized, your face flushed and you mouthed a quick “sorry” as you sat up, smoothing out your hair. without missing a beat Toby wrapped his arm around your shoulders, pulling you back towards him. you struggled to hide the grin spreading across your face, meanwhile he flashed his proudly. that adorable smug little shit.

[changingplumbob]

Introductions: Arista - Part 1

Ciao, welcome to Dating Deanna! I'm Devin Villareal and I will be your host. My younger sister Deanna is hoping the paradise that is Tartosa will set the stage for her to find true love. Without further ado, let's meet today's contestant.

Arista Queen

Arista comes from a big family! She is one of a set of triplets that make up seven kids and maybe predictably is a big foodie. One would think just getting food in a family that size would be great but Arista does enjoy good food.

Growing up she was described as quiet, calm, polite and unambitious. And squeamish. Very, very squeamish. Good thing the villa has most furniture upgraded to not get dirty.

Arista has been to many weddings. Five of her sisters are married and the other has a partner. Arista has spent a lot of time catching bouquets and dancing solo, quite the dance machine.

Devin: Buonasera Arista. Welcome to the show

Arista: Hi! It's so nice to meet you

Devin: Aww, thanks. Did you apply for the show or did someone do it for you?

Arista: I applied for myself, though I'm sure Andrina would've applied for me if she'd heard of it first. I wouldn't have heard of it without my roommates, though. They watch a bit too much television (love you guys!)

Devin: Does anyone know you'll be on the show?

Arista: Not a soul, and I'm sure they'll be shocked to see me! Or at least, my roommates will; they think I'm just on a typical business trip. But no one in my family watches television, and they would never dream that I could want to participate in something like this, so they might never find out

Devin: Like an undercover operation! I'm all for it. Now I have to ask, how are you feeling about meeting Deanna?

Arista: A little nervous, but honestly my hopes are low that I'll make a good impression. Mostly I'm looking forward to getting to truly know Deanna. She seems like a well-grounded person who would be a lot of fun to hang out with, regardless of outcome

Devin: De is great! Let's get you to my sister. Through the doors when you're ready. Break a leg

Arista: Thank you Devin

[hyperfixated-homo]

OW Perks and how they contribute to world building

Building a world off of a shooter game means integrating a lot of information about your main characters through game mechanics. As someone who is both into the gaming and fandom side of Overwatch, I’ve always found it really interesting how the game’s development of it’s characters has carried over to their fandom interpretations. Obviously, voice lines, skins and cinematics are the big things, but character abilities are a super big part of it too. So, being as obsessive over this silly game as I am, I spent a few hours combing through the character perks, and wrote a long ass ramble about how I think it could influence the world building of Overwatch. Like a normal person. <3

First and foremost; this is absolutely not meant to be some sort of study on what could be canon to the Overwatch universe. It’s already been established that the game isn’t “canon”. These are just self indulgent rambles, mostly.

If you want the full list of each character’s perks, here’s my post on that: https://www.tumblr.com/hyperfixated-homo/775376445686071296/all-of-the-new-ovw-perks

If you have any thoughts, please lmk! It’s been a while since I’ve made a long, in depth analysis like this and I’m sure I have definitely missed some things.

So if I was more insane, I would probably make a detailed exploration of how every perk impacts each hero and what it means for them as a character, but that’s. That’s 168 perks. And 43 characters. That’s a lot of things. A few too many. And most of them would just be analyses of where they got their tech from and how that tech works, which isn’t all that interesting to me. Unless it’s about my favourite characters, or something I’m specifically intrigued by,,,,,

Anyways. There are a lot of things to talk about so I’m going to start with how I personally like to view the implementation of perks within the canon (fanon, whatever) universe, which is basically as choices made by characters in the context of the battle. It opens a whole new world of how we can imagine them participating in actual in world battles.

For example- I was watching Flats try the new Doomfist perks, and he mentioned that it was like being able to choose between DPS Doomfist and Tank Doomfist. This sort of thing is a decision that I can imagine him making in canon going in to a fight- should he be focusing on tanking damage so that other Talon agents can finish the mission, or should he leave them be and finish it himself? And that sort of thing applies to any character. Hanzo going for a hit and having to consider if he should focus on stealth (using sonic arrows) or killing his target by any means necessary (using scatter arrows). While yes, these choices are made by us playing the game, they also probably need to be made by the characters themselves. They can’t do everything all at once.

I feel like the introduction of perks could be really interesting in this sense because before they existed, it was sort of up to fans to explore how characters would deal with equipping themselves for what is- essentially- their job. This opens up so many more doors for the active choices the heroes themselves need to make.

Moving on from that, the abilities themselves are fascinating. Some of them I find interesting in general- mostly ones that have a healing element to them. I’ve mentioned at some point that I think it’s interesting that Genji has a perk where he can heal during his Deflect, and I’m really interested in that- how can he do it? My first thought is that it’s connected to the Iris somehow- maybe that spending enough time following Zenyatta’s teachings, he learns how to harness it just the slightest bit. But really, the possibilities are endless. It could be that he’s repairing his mechanical components, sort of like Bastion’s self heal. Maybe it’s something chemical within his body- a sort of biotic injection that gives him an extra boost. There’s a lot of potential ideas here! How many times have we explored how Soldier could use biotic fields- now that can apply to any hero with new self heal perks.

Along that line of thought, the heroes that have gotten new lifesteal abilities (healing while damaging enemies) are also super super interesting. Any character with new lifesteal perks could have so many potential ideas for why they do it. To name them; Hazard, Genji, Junker Queen, and Reaper all have perks that include lifesteal. And for each character, you can come up with entirely new reasons why. Genji’s specifically is a result of his dragonblade- is the dragon literally sucking the life out of his enemies and giving it back to Genji? I have no idea!!! But it’s a cool concept, right?

In that sense I’m very impressed by the specificity of each character’s perks. They work so well with their already existing traits in the Overwatch universe. All of them feel like they could naturally work with the existing ideas of each person’s abilities. It’s a super natural transition, if for the lore moreso than the game itself.

Okay now I’m just going to speedrun some of the more interesting abilities that I’ve found that I just wanted to bring up.

Sigma and Zenyatta can fly/float respectively. First of all, goddamn awesome. Secondly, very interesting how neither really fly- maybe both of them can, but neither want to. After all, Sigma does fly during his ult? So why wouldn’t he do it on the regular? He’s already floating, why not go the extra step? ¯\(ツ)/¯

I’ve already written a lot about it but Soldier’s new stim pack?? So much potential there. Is it a drug? If so who made it? Where did he get it? How does it affect him in comparison to a normal, non super-soldiered person? Does it have long term affects?

Some characters (Hanzo, Freja, ect) have perks where they get increased firing speed if they get hits/kills. I like to imagine that it’s related to adrenaline. Could use that for some interesting character analysis :) (Especially considering how Hanzo’s specific ability is called “Dragon’s Fury”… could connect that to his own bloodlust as a result of being connected to the dragons. Or something. Hmm)

A lot (I think literally all) of Junkrat’s stuff is related to his weaponry. I like to think that it’s because he’s constantly modifying it to fit his own needs- sort of clunkily, but it works, and it’s fun :)

There’s a lot to be said about characters that are initially more on the pacifism side (Zenyatta, Mei, ect) having perks which allow them to do more damage. There are definitely ways to explore character conflicts using their new abilities. This is sort of less about perks and more about them as characters though- I don’t think they’d be happy to use any of their abilities to do harm

Reaper has his soul orbs back!! We can bring back him eating the souls of the dead. Was that ever a thing? Idk. I want it to be. Imagine- Reaper pulling a death blossom in the middle of enemy lines, then collecting their souls in front of whichever of their comrades still live, slowly gaining power… filling the room with more smoke… laughing maniacally all the while… yknow?

Roadhog’s “take a breather” has two perks that he can choose between to upgrade it- either making him faster when he uses it or healing allies. This sort of thing can very easily fit in to how he learns to integrate himself with Overwatch or another group, learning how to share his heals instead of hogging it (no pun intended)

I’m never going to shut up about Sombra being able to heal with hack. There are. So many concepts you can do with that. Especially with how much more of a sympathetic character she’s been portrayed as lately- there could be any number of situations where she had to learn how to do that. Why would she? How could she? Does it work better for certain heroes than others?

Torb can give his allies repairs during battles. Imagine the shenaniganery. Imagine Torbjorn hanging off Reinhardt’s arms or something, trying to fix his rocket booster, while they’re both yelling at each other and everyone else is trying to murder them. I’d animate it if I didn’t suck at it <3

Venture being able to see things while underground is?? So fun?? They’re very bug to me. I like to think it’s like a specified sensor. A sixth sense if you will. Because it’s not like they can actually see, but maybe they can feel the vibrations or something? I don’t know!!

That’s most of the thoughts I wanted to get out, but honestly there’s so much more to explore here. These are just the ones that immediately jumped out at me- I’m sure that just playing with the perks themselves will bring up more ideas. If this is slightly incoherent I apologise lmao. If I come up with anything else, maybe I’ll write something about it

[wolfofcelestia]

Do I have to though

Not really!! I'm too sub for this ajskdhddlh I let him win again and again

Like, you expect me to listen to him breathing heavily and growling and telling me to come and not just roll over for him? Look at how he's holding his fingers. And with those rings too?? PLS

If this was released closer to his debut, I might've liked it better but I've already grown too soft for him

Just look at him there. I want to take his face in my hands and give him a little smooch and a hug. He looks cold with all that metal on his bare skin ahdkdjssksk

I played through the kindle in jp and I like how they added a kiss sound but the rest of it didn't do much for me. Eng Sylus is Sylus to me. I can't go back anymore 😣

More thoughts on this theme and maybe tmi below lmao

They actually timed this banner perfectly with my ovulation, which I was joking about when they announced the period tracker, but I didn't take into the account the fact that they would give the boys to us all chained up like this. And I'm just not that big of a switch lmaoooo

I'm way too sub for this and the only part I was really enjoying was when he stopped growling and became softer again

I do like how there are many different endings, even if they're pretty minor differences. If they put as much effort into the cards as they put in these, I would be a lot happier, given how much they've milked our wallets already

But the theme? Yeah, it's not for me. Not completely at least

Soft dom really is the sweet spot for me. Seeing Sylus or Zayne this aggressive kinda just... Dries me up lmaooo

I like them dominant but in control of themselves. Because control is hot. But it needs to apply to themselves as well

Again, if this was released closer to Sylus's debut when I still wanted to step on his balls, I probably would have had a different reaction to seeing him in chains, but I just want to hug him to calm him down here

I'm disappointed being soft with them wasn't an option here

I think the main difference between this card and No Defence Zone is that in NDZ, he wanted you to show him how you would tame him. He was enjoying it. He was teasing you, because even though he was egging you on, he was in control of the whole situation right from the start

Yes, it was a dream, but that's the kind of dominance I expect from Sylus. He wants you to become stronger so he'll teach you how to dominate, but there's no doubt he's in control. It doesn't need to be said. It doesn't need aggression or force from either side. He just is. He invites you to show him what you've got, and that's something I would be receptive to

Here, everything is done through force, both his captivity and his dominance. It doesn't do it for me. I know there's that whole zombie bite thing going on and this is MC's job but the lack of concern in the dialogue makes it clear this is all for fanservice

Maybe I'm not in the right headspace or maybe the story will make me see the kindle different, but if the boys are important to MC, I would've liked to see more dialogue about how both she and the boys feel in this situation